I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (32M) for 5 years. He’s kind, supportive, and my best friend, but over time I’ve become exhausted by carrying almost all the responsibility in our relationship.

We’ve lived together for 4 years, and I do nearly everything around the house while also working full time. He helps, but usually only after repeated reminders. Most of his free time goes into gaming and relaxing, and I feel like once he became comfortable in the relationship, he stopped putting in effort.

I’ve tried communicating calmly, encouraging him, giving him space, and even spending 6 months abroad hoping he’d focus on personal growth. Very little changed.

The biggest crack in my trust happened when he went to Thailand for kitesurfing and met another girl. He admitted they flirted and danced together, and I later found messages where he asked to see her again while I was asleep. He claimed it wasn’t serious, but it hurt that he hid it from me.

To be fair, earlier in the relationship I also became emotionally attached to a coworker because I felt emotionally neglected. Nothing physical happened, and I told my boyfriend immediately.

The problem is that my boyfriend only changes when he thinks he might lose me. He improves temporarily, then falls back into the same behavior.

I love him deeply and can’t imagine life without him, but I’m also scared of building a future where I feel emotionally alone and responsible for everything.