Heyuh, any hot tips on how I can get the hell out of this abuse house? BioParents have decided that one “no” is far too many and they’ve decided to try to break into my room. They’re yelling a bunch of bullshit and telling me to get out but also they’re trying to work out how to break into my room?!
I’m in rural northeastern Oklahoma; I’ve got a bit of money (assuming they don’t rob me of that somehow) but no real means of supporting myself because I’m autistic and agoraphobic in the middle of nowhere, relying on them for everything. I’ve finally got just a little bit of help (some medications at least, nothing fancy) and it’s just too little too late I guess.
tl;dr: BioParents threatening, bullying me. Need some kind of lasting escape, need help creating my own life if such thing is possible. Need to never be here again.
Edit: Sorry, I’m a bit scattered. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. Couldn’t find anywhere that is. Also I may lose “their” Internet connection because cutting me off from help is totally not abusing me but actually a reasonable way for them to “take back their property” (they want all of my keys as part of throwing me out, I’ve never been able to deal with confrontation and they know it… blah blah BS). May be able to use my phone… ugh.
Edit 2: They called the cops on me.
Edit 3: The guy with the Punisher tat explained that no one had done anything wrong but they can’t throw me out without going through the eviction process. BioMom has been through that process before (she used to run an apartment complex!) so she damn well knew she couldn’t do that, and that the cops wouldn’t help her unless they were just hardcore transphobes who’d just as soon shoot me. No shock to me, the only logical reason she called them was to bully me harder or just get me killed.
Edit 4: Night now, managed a kitchen+toilet trip. Didn’t get thrown directly into jail nor “institutionalized” for daring to disobey my dear sweet loving and supportive (sarcasm) mother and her imaginary right to invade every detail of my life. Still don’t know where to go. I’m too old for many things, too young for others. Kinda afraid (ashamed?) to even try to contact any kind of shelter because like… they’ve got a handful of rooms and I’m gonna ask for one because I’m a thirty-something loser who’s broken and getting thrown out? They made me broken and they’re throwing me out for trying to keep one single detail of my life from her but… damn, is that really fair to ask, when others have been through so much worse? Besides, probably nowhere has any space available, so I’ll just be stressing over a phone call or whatever and get nothing from it but more stress. FML, wish I’d been born to an actually decent family or not at all. (Edit 4b: No-go on the whole family/friends thing.)
Edit 5: Still alive! Feels like none of this is even real, like I must’ve just dreamed it all. I think it’s this room messing with my head, like nothing can ever change. Am just yapping I guess 🤷 (Edit 5b: Oh, edits count as bumps. Sorry >.<; )
Edit 6: Now BioMom’s lashing out at BioDad too. Apparently she’s going to take us to hell with her when/after(?) she dies. What the actual fuck. Anyway, in case he comes and kills me I’d like to mention that the new name I’ve been flirting with is Keris. Nocritter asked and I’m in no state to be soul-searching right now but I kinda want to say it, I guess. Might as well try to be as me as I can when I don’t know if there’s gonna be a me in ten minutes. On the plus side, if she decides to still go to her thing on Monday I’ll have a window for escape. Just have to figure out how, and where to go.
Edit 6b: Okay, not dead yet. No idea what’s going on out there; haven’t heard anything in a while. Realized I may sound a little insane being afraid of BioDad when BioMom is the one screaming about taking people to Hell with her. She’s very movement impaired and can’t get to my end of the house on her own. Sad, yes. Complicated. He, on the other paw, is as cruel as she lets him get by with. He’s always been physically intimidating (though not yet “violent”), verbally abusive, always looking to do as much damage as he can without her scolding him for it. So if she’s not a factor… he’s a threat.
Edit/Update 7: They taped a seven-day eviction notice to my door. Looks like state law requires thirty but Idunno if I can last that long anyway, given I’m afraid to even cross the lil hallway to get to the toilet. I’m very not okay, I need somewhere safe to go, at least long enough to calm down and figure out what the hell to do but there’s just nothing for it. Might be able to afford a hotel for a couple weeks if I don’t eat. I’m not eating anyway so maybe that’s not so bad. No friends, no family, no space in shelters (and I don’t meet anyone’s criteria anyway), no place to go if I do manage to leave, no idea where else to even try or ask. Hell, I’m almost out of bottled water too. If any brave adventurers wanna swoop in and rescue me, now’s the time :-\
Hey Riikka. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this shit. Just hang in there and try to keep a level head (it’s really really hard, I know).
Please keep us updated. We are ALL rooting for you. Once you get to safety you can try and crowdfund some money to cover basic costs.
Trevorproject has 24/7 free crisis counseling for LGBTQ people. I highly recommend you explain your situation to a counselor on the helpline and see if they can get you to some resources.
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
This is a comprehensive list of the plans you need to make and things you need to pack when getting out of an abusive situation:
https://www.drphil.com/advice/an-exit-action-plan-guidelines-for-leaving-an-abusive-relationship
My DMs are open if you ever need to talk. Stay strong. I believe in you 💜
If the cops aren’t throwing you out immediately then you’ve got at least a couple of days to work on your exit strategy.
Make sure you’ve got all your documentation that you can get your hands on. Replacing a social security card or birth certificate is an expense to be avoided if possible.
Start packing, even if you don’t have a solid destination in mind yet. Get everything you need together so you can grab it and go when the necessity and opportunity present themselves.
Reach out. You’re already doing great by asking for help here but you’re going to need a support network wherever you end up. If you have any friends you can rely on, see if they can loan you some crash space for a while. Try contacting local or statewide orgs as they often have resources to assist folks escaping abusive family situations.
Also, please keep in touch. Too many folks that get kicked out by their families end up homeless and none of us want to see that happening to you. If you get cut off then find a library for some free online time and let us know. We’ll do the best we can.
^ this
Have an escape plan. Reach out to friends or relatives who you think would let you stay.
I’m not a lawyer. That said, Ohio has eviction laws that offer you some protection even if you’re not on a lease/deed. Expelling you without notice is illegal, and from what I can find Ohio requires at least 3 days notice even if you were breaking the lease, and 30 days the rest of the time.
Stay calm when interacting with the officer. Let them know that you hadn’t been given notice to leave before today, you have nowhere to go, and that your parents are threatening you. You can also request to talk to a social worker. It may be in your best interest to leave to a shelter to stay safe from your parents, but sometimes shelters aren’t the best either.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, just do what you can to get through it.
Too late, but thanks. They didn’t say anything about social workers (dunno if we even have those or shelters of any non-storm kind out here) but did recognize this as my home and point out the bioparents have to go through the eviction process to throw me out. I can’t just walk out and go anywhere because I’m in the middle of nowhere and have no driver’s licence.
(No idea why I kept typing Ohio in my previous comment, I meant Oklahoma 🤦♂️)
I’ve lived super rurally so I know how it is, it may be that your county doesn’t have a social worker or shelter, or only has a small number of them. It could also be that the cop didn’t care or didn’t want to deal with it, if you search for your county + social services that should give you a better idea of whether you can get any help locally. Adult protective services may also be able to help you since you mention being autistic.
Do you have any friends or relatives who could give you a ride to a safer place? You also should look for shelters in neighboring states if you can’t find someone to stay with or a shelter in your state. First part is getting a ride to where you need to go.
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Rainbow Passage is interesting; I got kinda excited and stressy applying there but then the “Thank you for applying please allow 1 to 3 months for processing.” thing showed up and I was all… owch :( Thanks for mentioning them, though.
Am too old for Trevor Project.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, Riikka. I hope you are able to find a way to live independantly, away from hurtful people. If you don’t mind sharing, what lead up to this?
Long-term: thirty-four years of their “love” being measured in dollars and cents, their belief in children-as-property, their “traditional values.” Threatening me with help to make me afraid of psychiatrists instead of actually getting me help. Hell, I had cancer and they almost pushed me out of going to a doctor for that too. I’d have been dead before my twelfth birthday if they’d had their “Mom is the only help you need”+“It’s probably nothing, walk it off” way. BioMom very much took all’ the “You’re the mom”/everything revolves around her stuff BioDad and I said directly to heart, I guess, and it was always so easy for her to push me around because she knew my mental/emotional difficulties and I didn’t, so when I dare to say “no” to her… bleh.
Short-term: I asked BioDad to take me to a doctor appointment (liver ultrasound) and she demanded to know why, in detail. I said “no.” She started yelling. I fled to my room and locked the door. She sent him to come BS and intimidate me, then came over herself to spout off about how much money they’d given me and how mean and bad I am but they gave me everything and she has a right to know, blah blah blah.Not sure if any of that is what you meant 🤷 Of course her side of it is “he’s so MEAN to me and always has been but I’ve given him everything he’s ever wanted!” I know this because she just said that to the cops. Problem is, she takes everything she dislikes as being “mean to her,” from someone bumping into her at a Walmart to me thinking unapproved thoughts. When I was considering deconverting from “Christianity” (the “I’ve seen a copy of the Bible once” kind) I had the bright idea (sarcasm) to talk to my dear sweet mom, who I can talk to about anything… right? She took it as an insult, an offence. I dared to question my own identity and worldview but she took it as an attack on her. It wasn’t, I swear. I rarely have anyone actually close to talk to, and I believed her crap about her being soooo important to me and my life and blah blah blah. Anyway, I’ve not been a perfect child for sure, but “no” should not be the thing that sets somebody off. She thinks she owns me. She figures she’s entitled to my entire life because she’s paid for it. I figure if she wanted me to have my own life she shouldn’t have kept it from me. Instead of giving me nightmares about mental health professionals who could’ve explained how freaking hard this world was going to be for me, she should’ve held my hand and walked with me.
Edit: finished a sentence (end of the “short-term” part)
There are already super supportive people around here so I’m just gonna throw my bit in here, too.
If your BioParents aren’t too tech savy it’s actually pretty easy to bypass wifi restrictions whithout them noticing, if they restrict your IP adresses, you can just change your IP manually and bypass that. If they change the password, you can figure that out too. It’s not much but as long as you can get physical acces to your router, you can ALWAYS find a way to get internet, physical access is root access, and there are lovely people in the internet that can show you how in your specific case.
Most definitvely not speaking from personal experience /s And if you need help with that, just contact me, I’ll gladly help you, with everything actually
Thanks, but they’re not nearly techy enough to do anything but pull the cables out of the ISP-provided (and locked, which I’ve never stopped being angry about) router, which is out there with them.
vents quietly about how evil somebody’s got to be to think “Oh, you said ‘no’ to me so I’m going to take everything, cut you off from everyone, and throw you out to die miles from the nearest town. Because I’m so concerned about your health!”
Oof, ISP-controlled stuff sucks. I hear it’s also usually the cheapest crap they can buy too.
You on desktop, laptop, mobile, etc? A library should be a safe point to access the internet in a pinch if you don’t have a device available or otherwise need to charge devices, and likely has wifi, no idea if that’s available to you though in rural Oklahoma (I’ve driven through, completely understand the nothingness and red dirt.)
You are ABSOLUTELY worthy of shelter, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! Shelters exist for a reason.
To add more, its worth downloading as wide an area of Google maps as you can so that you have offline maps
Oh fuck, I really hope they come to some senses and don’t do that, pleas keep us updated, we all are concerned for you
I’ve just been alternating between hoping, like if I can get my money out of my bank account (no taxis around here, no friends/family, no car, too far from anything for biking even if I had one) I can pay at least to get probably anywhere I need to, but I don’t feel safe enough to even be seen by those people and I have no idea how to plan and execute that whole process of getting somewhere else even if I had somewhere to go. Then there’d be the “getting settled in” part, finding income, making sure I don’t lose any meds, etc. Maybe somewhere in all’ these lists of “resources” (which are everything from philosophical essays to lists of doctors to broken links to places that had probably helped someone before vanishing) I’ll find something useful. Eventually. But… I could? Maybe?
… and then unhoping, like there’s no point bothering because there’s no life for me but abject misery in this hell-world and it’s too late for me to create a whole-ass life for myself nor get enough help and healing to actually make and live it anyway.Also I just scared myself with my own computer’s noises and I’m suddenly rethinking having a bath like I’m gonna get caught. Might try to eat something. [darkness redacted] stops frustratey-upsetty-rambling
Sweet of you to say, though. Thanks.
You can always come to us, if there is no one left, we’ll try out best to be there for you
Heyya Riikka, I wish I had some help to give but you have my support. I am so sorry you’re going through this and now need safety and resources.
I’m not sure if these are any help but here is a list of resources specific to Oklahoma. When things have settled and you have a bit of breathing room, I suggest looking into moving to a blue state. Specifically with good trans protection laws.
It’s awful you have to deal with this; if you’re able to find a way out it’s worth looking into different states. Potential homelessness is likely to look a lot worse in some states vs others, particularly for trans folks
https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/may-anti-trans-legislative-risk-map
Most important is getting your hands on the most important documents, namely social security card and birth certificate, and any other forms of ID.
Next up is setting yourself up a “bug out bag” in case you need to get the F out immediately.
I did some research.
You mentioned that you live in northeastern Oklahoma, so I’m assuming you’re in a somewhat reasonable distance from Tulsa. It is possible that you could get an Uber to go from Tulsa to where you are rurally (for a pretty penny, of course). If I were you, I’d play around with the app and see if you can get anything. If not, try another service such as Lyft or a local taxi service based out of Tulsa. Here’s a list of some: https://m.yelp.com/search?cflt=taxis&find_loc=Tulsa%2C+OK You can try calling the local ones and explain that you need a ride to Tulsa from where you are and that you are happy to pay or whatever.
Once you get to Tulsa, there is a Greyhound bus station there. The address is 317 S Detroit Ave, Tulsa, OK 74120. You can get pretty much anywhere you need to go once you get to the station. Make sure to buy your ticket in advance. They have routes to pretty much every major US city. You will need to dress conservatively so as to not be visibly trans. I know that it’s painful but when travelling on things like Greyhound it’s safety first. From what I’ve heard, Greyhound can be pretty janky and have some weird people, but it will get you to where you need to go since you don’t have a car. Just keep a watchful eye on all of your belongings and surroundings.
Make sure other people know about your whereabouts as you travel in case anything were to happen. It can be an online friend, this community, or anything else. Have a plan with them about what to do if anything goes wrong. It is always best to be prepared, even though the chance of anything nefarious happening is very low.
When you get to the state that you’re going to, look into the government programs. Blue states are a lot more generous with them than most red. You can qualify for disability because you have autism, so look into that. You might also be able to get things like unemployment, food stamps, and other government assistance while you’re trying to figure things out.
Also, please try to eat. It’s very important to keep your strength up in situations like these and not eating will make you weaker and your brain foggier. Even if you’re not hungry, just try to get something down.
I hope this helps. I’m really really praying that you get out of the situation you’re in safely and get to a better place. I promise you, you can have a much better life than the one you’ve been living. There are places where you can be yourself freely. There are people who will accept you for who you are. It’s not going to be easy, but I can promise you that it’s going to be worth it.
Thanks <3 Eep, though. 14-25hr bus trip scary. Dunno if I can even pass as cis male now. Chest-bumps already, no boy-clothes but some old suits (great way to ‘lose track of some belongings,’ I’d think). May just go anyway… secretly hoped to fly but a cheap bus ticket to Minneapolis (just picked a place, still dunno where to go) is $100 (which is kinda suspicious since others are like $180, $250, $350??) while air fare is $400 :-\ Boo. Shaking like a leaf just looking. Ugh.
You will definitely save money with a bus ticket, but air travel is less stressful and shorter. It’s up to you as to which you wanna choose. You’ll get to the same place regardless.
Maybe try wearing some loose clothing to hide the chest bumps? A full suit would make you stand out too much. It’s just when you’re traveling in a region like Oklahoma. You won’t have to do that in minneapoils.
Have you figured out where you’re gonna stay when you arrive? After you determine your travel arrangements, you’ll need to reserve something like a hotel or airbnb for when you arrive. Also, PACK SNACKS. You’re gonna get hungry while you’re traveling and there are not always places to get food. Airport and plane food is also considerably more expensive than from outside. Make triple sure you bring water and a reusable water bottle, too.
Things are gonna be okay. You’re making a huge leap right now and that’s something to be proud of. It takes a lot of courage to be doing this. Remember to breathe in and out.
breathes left then down, getting the directions completely wrong 😵💫 I don’t even know where to go yet v.v Guess I need to make that post and find somecritter to hold my paw. Just make them pick and follow them around like a lost puppy 😅
Also, most of my clothes don’t even fit any more. Turns out depressyness is as great for gaining weight as it is for losing weight. Also I think my shoulders and hips grew out just to upset me.
There are budget airlines where you can get flights a lot cheaper than the usual ones. Spirit and Frontier are two that I can think of at the top of my head. Some days are cheaper to fly than others, too. Google flights is a good resource. The thing about budget airlines is that you have to pack light or else they will charge you extra. Usually they will only allow a personal item (purse, backpack, has to meet size requirements). Middle of the road airlines such as Delta or American usually allow a personal item and carry-on for free. You’ll need to purchase a checked bag ahead of time if you have more than that, because it is more expensive to buy at the gate. Also, make sure to arrive in plenty of time for your flight. It’s better to be too early than too late. Generally arriving two hours before your flight is a safe amount of time for domestic.
I didn’t know Google Flights was a thing :o Looks like the prices and flights are the same ones I saw on Expedia (dunno which is better/worse otherwise 🤷) I like that it shows fares on the calendar thingle. Looks like middle of next month is a great time to fly to Minneapolis! … Maybe I’ll dare hope to manage that anyway.
I’ve always flown standby with some kinda pre-clearing thing, so between not having that and being trans I assume TSA’s gonna be more gropey and tedious than I’ve experienced before. I kinda like wandering around malls, though, and it’s convenient when my flight is one of the shops. Thanks much for many advices and helps and talkings <3
Flying may be a little better atm, I hear there’s snowstorms all over right now, and you do NOT want to be stranded in a bus in a snowstorm. Plane, nobody is gonna give you shit for sleeping in an airport waiting for a plane, or waiting for a taxi at the other end.
All depends on how soon you’re hitting the road.
Don’t forget to budget for a little bit of winter gear if you’re going minnesota!! Winter is a much longer season in the north (I’ve seen snow in June in southern Ohio a couple times). Layer clothes, not a single large coat. Clothes that wick away sweat so you aren’t just getting soggy and freezing.
Unless shit truly hits the fan for snowfall in Oklahoma, you may not find clothing suitable for lake-effect winter locally, and if shit does, it’ll be marked up to hell in price.
Definitely a good point. I didn’t even think about the weather aspect right now. Sounds like a cheap flight is the way to go.
Winter can be pretty but it can also be goddamn miserable. Still prefer it to the heat, myself. The sun actively tries to kill me through sunburns points to freckles, and I’m pale enough to call Rohan for aid.
I’ve had good luck for larger winter gear at an outlet mall store for North Face, otherwise carharrt makes some decent stuff I hear. Hard to go wrong with wool socks/undergarments (long johns, undershirts, etc), a Cabellas or other hunting/farming adjacent stores should have decent options for everything in that regard.
Edit: I’ve heard Mitts are better than gloves for maintaining heat, at the cost of dexterity and less ability to grip things. Probably not gonna be a problem.
Ebay and other used shops are great for getting things like that. It can get quite expensive if you buy new straight from the manufacturer. I’m preparing to move to a state in New England and have gotten some quality stuff from ebay especially. Maybe some thrift stores around Minneapolis will have some good stuff for an affordable price, too.
I prefer winter to the heat, too. I can’t stand the summers here in the deep south. No snow too :(
Definitely worth going to thrift stores, especially in this community (new clothes probably adds up quick for transfem folks, sizes can change quickly)
Once it gets closer to the end of winter some places do some steep discounts on winter gear to clean out inventory and prepare for the next seasons lineups. Fast fashion is some awful bullshit but it can be taken advantage of at times.
Outlet malls are great for that purpose; it’s more or less b-stock things for major brands that might have imperfections but otherwise perfectly good stuff.
I got a $300 coat (North Face Gotham) for about $70. B-stock plus end of season plus general teenage employee apathy (have a discount because fuggit) adds up quick in savings.
Edit: OH! and laundry facilities! You can do a shitload of laundry at some hotels, they aren’t always coin operated. I think
Hilton or Tru orhampton inn it was just the room key to get to the washer/dryer. Hit a grocery store for a jug of laundry soap or a box of the powdered stuff, it’s much cheaper than whatever they’ve for at the front desk or vending machine and goes further. Tide pods, while nice, don’t go as far for your money.
Much better for my nerves as well… In addition to how much I just love flying, it’s faster and doesn’t seem like there’ll be any problems with people being hostile at least on the plane. Less likely I’ll end up robbed or in a dumpster or something <.< $300 worth? Idunno. Maybe I can find another critter here in OK (which is not, despite the name, okay) and we can leave together 😅 … And maybe someone will give me a pony too, while I’m daydreaming :-\ 🤷
Also, don’t forget to utilize food banks. A lot of them have it to where you can just go and pick up stuff without even registering or anything. It’s free food!
And cold shelters! Frostbite is bad, mmmkay?
It’s been so long since I last flew on a plane, i miss it! It’s not that I can’t afford the plane ticket it’s just anxiety about not having my own car to drive at the other end. (And the whole, hotels are expensive on top of still having to pay rent and other bills for back home)
Which is hilarious given how much I didn’t want to get a driver’s license at 16, I figured I’d be stuck driving my parents around all the time but turns put I freaking LOVE to drive!! So much quiet time to myself, listening to loud music, regretting listening to music too loudly (tinnitus), etc
I hate driving >.<; Maybe finding a walkable city or at least one with relatively decent public transit stuffs should be a priority. … Assuming I even have time to try to look into that :-\ Anyway driving is scary D: Constantly worried I’ll miss something, a sign, a turn, a car I didn’t notice. Not as bad as leaving the house/apartment/whatever to get to the car, but still stressy.
Minneapolis is famous for being a walkable, bikable, and public transit city. Get some noise cancelling headphones or earplugs and you’ll be golden.
I’ve had good experiences with Sony’s wireless earbuds for noise cancelling. Had a fire alarm go off next to my head literally last week (somebody killed a microwave) and it SERIOUSLY reduced the volume, but was still audible.
I’ll have to put Minneapolis on my list of places to visit in the future. I wanna see washington and Oregon myself, I love the rain and it’s close enough to snowy states I can get out and enjoy snow now and again
I get that. I like the idea of Chicago (trains) myself. I’m lucky in that my mom gave me a THOROUGH education on driving skills (I learned starting with a stick shift, full bed, super cab pickup), so I got comfortable with driving fairly quickly. Nothing prepares you for the shifter knob coming off in your hands while you’re shifting though 🤣
I saw a video last week of somebody in a police chase driving backwards in a pickup and my first thought was “pfft, i could do better, they’re just going in a straight line! No reversing around corners or anything!” And my mom agreed… 😅
Also I like to hope HRT won’t muck up my cold tolerance too much; I was the weird critter in a little pink sleeveless dress enjoying the snow while I was in Michigan. People’d walk up and touch my arms and ask why I wasn’t cold 😅 The cold never bothered me, I guess. (Ice princess joke… never actually saw that show.) Anyway hopefully HRT+wherever I end up won’t ruin cold for me. 🤷
As for Oklahoma weather, it’ll be snowing and 80 degrees F in the same day <.< Weird.
Estrogen-based HRT will actually reduce your tolerance to the cold, because your muscle mass goes down as well as your metabolism. You don’t have to worry about that because good winter gear will keep you warm enough to tolerate the cold anyway. People used to that kind of climate can give you some pointers on how to dress and what to buy for the weather there (i have not seen snow for six years, help).
[Joke while I can make one] Hey, come to Oklahoma and we’ll form the Resistance… to Snowlessness! We’ll just go around installing snow machines everywhere. Probably get shot once or twice but it’s for a good cause 😅
While drowning in sweat and melting like ice cream all the while
I will admit to laughing whenever some states COMPLETELY shut down over a powdercoat of snow 😅 now that I know I didn’t win the powerball lottery I think imma go to sleep… for some ungodly reason I have to be at work by 7AM for the next two days…
Eyyy, same hope here! (Pre-HRT) I run hot enough that sometimes after work I could go outside and literally have steam/most coming off me (I did work in a deli moving large objects all day last time i did that, but I figure being in coolers balanced that out)
Hey Keris!
Sounds like things are real rough right now.
I highly recommend that you make another post about your current situation. It’s very possible that there are people on here and elsewhere who are willing to help you out irl who live in the states that you’re looking at moving to (I know I would if I did, but unfortunately I live in a deep red state too). That would help with building a support network. Also, you are more than welcome to make a GoFundMe or something similar and post it on here to raise funds to help you escape and get back on your feet. We are all rooting for you and want to help!
Hang in there. Take things one step at a time and soon you’ll be free. There is a way out of all of this. You’re at rock bottom right now, and that means that there’s no place you can go but up. You can do this.
You mean I should post in this comm asking for guides/mentors/roommates/something? Was afraid I was already begging too much 😅 (except instead of a heehee-smile imagine like, a really meek “please don’t hate me” kinda thing)
I’m kinda ashamed to admit it but I think my (joint-ownership, ugh D: trying to transfer most of it into PayPal) bank account has enough to get me out. Maybe not even only me. I just don’t know what living costs. I’ve never had to, so suddenly getting dumped into the deep end leaves me like, “Is even this much enough to escape? Seems like it should be plenty but everything costs so much and there are shitloads of sneaky costs like food and travel expenses and hotels stealing deposits…” That is, I’m not in a position of being flat broke (unless they rob me, then I guess I’m fucked) but rather a position of being afraid and alone and overwhelmed and lost and confused. Broken yes, but I could buy a couple plane tickets. Kinda feels like I’d rather be poor with a good critter in a bad place than figure this crap out alone. Maybe I can rescue somecritter else, even? What does that even cost? More things that feel too vague to actually work with :-\
Actually managed to get some positive attention over on another comm, which… kinda expected more negativity in general. It’s almost as if this threadi/fedi/Lemmy thingy is generally less hateful than I’d expected <.< So that’s nice, I suppose. May get some more negativity after explaining more. Feels like I’m just being an ass but… my mental/emotional state’s all over the place and sometimes I feel like I can’t say anything, others I feel like I have to. I’d say the biggest mess is in my head but I just got told the local domestic violence shelters are full so for sure this state at least is a bigger one. Just one of those places has over ninety rooms and they’re all taken by people who’ve had it worse than I have. Great way to feel like even more of an ass asking for help but also angry at this awful world for doing that to people. I’m just ranting I guess. Maybe talking helps, or at least keeps me thinking and not curled up wishing I could just turn myself off.
Yes, please post for anything you need on here! You are in a really vulnerable situation and there are so many people on here who really want to help and feel for you and the situation you’re in. You’re not asking too much for anything.
I’m glad that the money you have is enough to get you out. That’d be your biggest problem if you didn’t have it, but would still be solvable with crowdfunding help from the community.
I can’t help you out much with cost of living, because I also still live with my parent. You can definitely ask around about it on here, though. I’m sure you’ll get some helpful insight from others. If you’re not on the blahaj matrix channel yet, it’d be a good idea to join. It’s kinda like a discord server and you can get more instantaneous answers and help from members of our instance/community if you need them.
It’s completely understandable that your mental health isn’t good right now, and any reasonable person would agree. Just take care of yourself the best you can. 💜
Good to know about the Matrix channel, I’ve wanted to dabble in Matrix for a while and that might be a good opportunity to give it a shot. It sounds like it’s matured quite a bit since I last heard about it a few years ago.
Yup. I’m relatively new to matrix, but it has been easy to use. I use the element client. Works pretty well for me even though I predominantly use it on mobile. I definitely recommended trying it out.
Definitely a good call to take the money out of that bank and put it with a different one! It was all too common a story on RaisedByNarcissists sadly, parent(s) play the nice act for a little bit, bank teller sympathises and is a little too helpful, and then you’re broke.
I’ve heard more than a handful of horror stories about PayPal just shutting down accounts with too many transactions, sadly, so I’d recommend finding a credit union or bank to deposit in ASAP as well
That important bit aside, super glad you may be a little better off financially than you initially thought!
Lemmy definitely feels better moderated than The Other Place, communities being able to block/defederate other communities of trolls is a plus. Smaller communities at first isn’t a bad thing, feels more personal like ye olde forum boards.
This ^
More eyes on an increasingly urgent situation. You never know who’s lurking that is willing to chip in some cash to help too.
And same on the red state thing, the “south of the north”, the state that a 12 year old had to leave for an abortion (and i believe was sued for it afterwards), home of a river so filthy it caught fire and led to the creation of the EPA (By Nixon of all people)… ohio. Lowercase.
broken kazoo noises
Greetings, Keris!
See if you can record some of the audio? That might be in the “threats of violence” category, idk if it will matter but it might fast track you to a shelter and getting out.
I think several of us check up on this post to make sure you’re okay, so please keep up the updates! They aren’t being ignored, you’re not screaming into the wind!
Thanks for trying, I guess. And for saying my name.
Kinda hard to not feel totally alone, or do anything but curl up and cry. I’m just supposed to have my shit together by now and I don’t, so fuck my life 🤷 Managed to call the only place that seemed at all likely but all I got was another phone number. Hardest thing for me to use, given my apparent phobia of phones and doors. What a joke that I ever hoped to have any kind of life.
To be fair, judging by the current state of politics, age has nothing to do with having your shit together 😅
Totally understand the phones thing, I have said/agreed to a lot of dumb shit just to end a phone call as soon as possible.
A bus to a different state is likely a good option, may cost you a day of hotel time but greatly improve things after. I doubt that Oklahoma is able or willing to provide aid. While Illinois is listed as a trans-safe state on that map from ErinInTheMorning, I’ve heard it’s pretty much just Chicago, the rest of the state being kinda crappy: Colorado looks like a closer option to oklahoma but I have no idea on how travel is to get there given the whole “mountains” thing.
It’s easy to underestimate how much it helps to put some distance between yourself and people who harm you (physically and mentally). The comfort of not having to think about them just showing up to abuse you more because you’re still nearby.
Might be worth another post to get more eyes on it and (hopefully) somebody near-ish to help get you outta there!! The other place (red-dit) isn’t a bad idea as well as they still have a larger “population” than Lemmy
I once managed to get a little time away from them with some people I thought were friends. It was really nice. I started growing a little, almost became a person. Then that fell through and I got stuck back in this awful box and could just feel the life draining out of me. She swore everything’d be better but it’s just been worse. Sometimes I feel just a little hopeful that I can not just get away but get better :-\
As for the Other Place, I’ve already deleted my account there. I think even if I figured out where to post, a brand new account wouldn’t be allowed to and probably I’d look suspicious as hell if I were :-\ Not even gonna rant about how fucked-up it is that asking for help can even be suspicious :|
Was thinking about maybe Minnesota, since MN Transplant (though they’ve given up on the transplanting thing) has a bunch of resources on seemingly everything, in trans-friendly flavour. Resources aren’t a safety net, a support network, nor a plan, though, so I’ve got several states’ worth (maybe Colorado? Maybe Oregon? Washington? Parts of Cali? Chicago even?) of random bits of wood, a pile of tools I can’t name, and no mentor nor manual but I’ve suddenly got to build a house :-\ No time to even figure anything out. Not in a reasonable situation for trying to, even. Don’t know anycritter anywhere. Very stress! Lost alone. Should’ve found a friend before saying “no” to a self-obsessed control freak who thinks she owns me and her cruel, hateful slave, I guess :-\
Gotta take a nap. Too sleepy. More pain “tomorrow.”
