Eyes closed. Avoid light. Feel your way to the bathroom. Make sure toilet lid is up (or sit, I’m not judging). Make sure you’re not accidentally in the closet.
Always sit, are you kidding? No way I’m peeing standing up with the lights off.
I broke my ankle a while back and it never healed properly. Since then I’ve appreciated the relief of sitting to pee.
Also, even if you don’t see it, it splashes everywhere.
That’s why you just pee in the sink
That’s why you just pee in the sink
Good times, good times.
This does not seem like an effective way to reduce splashing.
But it does get rid of the need to reduce splashing
I disagree.
If there’s going to be splashing, I’d very much rather it be around the toilet (which is presumably only going to be used for toilet purposes) than around the sink (which might be used for hygiene purposes as well as maybe filling cups, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc.).
Disagree. The more parallel your stream is to the surface it’s hitting, the less likelihood of a splash. It’s hard to get a good angle in a toilet unless you really try. It’s very easy to do that in a sink at or slightly below dick level.
This is written by someone who a. Is tall enough to piss straight in the sink and b. Is not a grower.
I pee in the shower, harder to miss when drunk.
You must be clumsy as fuck if you managed to break you ankle while you were standing to pee. Either that or your technique is waaaaaaaayyy off.
Heh. I can’t tell if this is a deliberate misinterpretation (in which case, pretty funny) or not (seems unlikely).
I broke my ankle taking out some recycling. It was sleeting heavily at the time and I was wearing my wife’s flip-flops because I couldn’t find my shoes (edit: fun fact, it turned out I had set the recycling on my shoes while looking for them). I slipped and fell off the front porch and my ankle broke when I landed.
I’ve dislocated my shoulder fourteen times, so I thought the ankle was just dislocated. Based on my experience with my shoulder, I tried to reset the ankle and stand back up … Twice. I only stopped because my neighbor heard me and came over to investigate; in a twist I wouldn’t believe in a movie, he turned out to be a physical therapist who mostly worked with ankles. He was a tremendous comfort because he was able to answer most of my questions while we waited for the ambulance.
The EMTs made me hop down the stairs of my front porch on one foot before they put me on the stretcher. To this day I wonder what they would have done if I’d broken both ankles or been several floors up or something.
I have so many stories about that night. It has shaped my life in one way or another ever since.
I tried to reset the ankle and stand back up … Twice
Oooooouuuuuuch
That’s pretty much what all the medical staff said!
At one point I had to stop and just kind of breathe in the middle of a sentence, then said “sorry … It hurts.” The nurse looked down pointedly and said “well, yeah. Have you seen your foot?”
Instructions unclear, am now secretly gay
Just from sitting down to pee once? I knew it
Well, now your out of the closet.
If I did this I’d end up blindly stepping on a giant house spider or one of the many bugs they’re supposed to be eating. I have too many critters sneaking into my bathroom
When my mom was pregnant with my eldest sister in Greece, she apparently once headed to the bathroom, only to find a scorpion waiting on the doorknob.
Stepping on a spider seems preferable.
One eye open, switch light on, pee.
Switch light off, open opposite eye, go back to bed
Pro move, don’t turn the light on, sit to pee
Super pro move: don’t turn the light on, piss all over.
Hyper pro move: wear diaper to bed
Ultra pro move: Master the art of echo location
I do this. Occasionally fall asleep on the toilet. Whatever, mission accomplished.
Double pro move: Get a warm color night light
No lights at all, sit down to pee, go the fuck back to sleep.
aaand I fell into the toilet
My bathroom has a small nightlight in it. It’s very dim, but just bright enough to pee by with minimal damage to the sleep cycle.
The light in my bathroom is piss-yellow, which I guess also helps because blue light is bad.
Slight adjustment: No lights, vape screen is now flashlight.
Nightlight. Use it when you’re brushing your teeth too, no bright lights an hour before bed.
That moment? This is becoming my every day!
I have mastered this technique to pro level. Now I fall asleep while sitting on the toilet. 🙃
have you ever woken up to your legs having fallen asleep on the toilet?
Oh my, yes. It is the next step to master. Although it is quite the adventure getting back to bed in that state.
Like piloting a gundam for the first time
I accomplish this by keeping a weed pen in the pocket of my robe hanging within reach of the toilet…
RIP your REM cycle
This is the most relatable thing I’ve read all month.
I feel this, 1000%
Just pee in bed. Easy solution.
So no original experiences whatsoever huh
