The White House Historical Association has quietly increased the number of new hires and contracts for laundering services.

Staffers briefed of Vice President’s history, reportedly “nervous, disgusted”

One anonymous staffer, who chose not to reveal their name, said “we provide a clean and sanitary place for our Officials, dignitaries, and guests. The White House has its history of sordid stories, however we are concerned for all of our history given the VP’s proclivities.”

The Association stated on their website that most, “incoming president has found furnishings that were worn out and in need of replacement due to everyday wear and tear.” When reached for comment, the spokesperson directed us to their website stating, “Occasionally presidents and their wives spent so much on new furnishings that they exceeded the money Congress had originally appropriated. In some cases, they were able to make up the difference out of their own pockets, but not every president had the financial resources to do so.”