CW: chapter 2 contains a detailed description of child abuse by a parent

Hello comrades, it’s time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 2 (Understanding Patriarchy) and 3 (Being a Boy). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!

In Ch.2 hooks defines patriarchy, how it is enforced by parental figures and society at large, and the struggle of antipatriarchal parents to raise children outside of these rigid norms when the border culture is so immersed in them. Ch.3 delves deeper into the effects of patriarchy on young boys and girls and the systemic apparatuses that reinforce gender norms.

If you haven’t read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

As always let me know if you’d like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being), beginning on 12/11.

  • dumples@midwest.socialEnglish
    3·
    5 months ago

    The incel epidemic spurred on by alienation and rigid societal enforcement of patriarchal gender roles is a serious problem that we should want to do something about. The answer is NOT to carve out space for these violent misogynists in otherwise safe spaces for femmes and minority groups hurt by capitalist patriarchy.

    The strangest thing I see about the incel epidemic is how these people most hurt by the patriarchal gender roles are doubling down on it. These rigid roles and expectations are not working for them but they insist that these are the only rules for the game.

      • dumples@midwest.socialEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        Every day, you see men, powerful, statused-up, straining-billfolds and freshly-pressed suits men getting out of pricey cars with their trophy wives on the lockscreens of their phones-- and you know you want that; the society you live in has primed you to not only desire that with every iota of your being; but has more or less told you that if you play the game of Patriarchy correctly, you’d get it.

        The crazy thing is that if you are a walking Red Flag like these guys the only way to get women is by playing the Patriarchy game correctly. They can’t not play that game because they would have to change and take accountability for your actions. If you are a walking Red Flag all women and most men will run away at the first sign of being asshole. Except those who are using you for something else like money or status. So for this powerful statused-up assholes the only women they see want to use them because they self-select that way. Everyone else would run away or not engage. So from their perspective they are correct but they don’t see their world isn’t the only one.

        The thing about these Manosphere / success influences is they want people to play their own game by their own rules because they are already winning that game. Its like a MLM where you need people to buy in or else it all collapsed. They need people to play their success game using their rules so they can win. I have recently tried to remind myself that I am trying to play “the happy life game” not the “capitalisms successful life game”.