I used to think I’m a guy, I like many masculine things like motor sports, fixing cars, playing shooters. Things that typically boys like and I have no desire to wear girly clothes or anything like that. But I’ve always when I was younger liked hanging out with girls more than I liked hanging out with other dudes. Maybe that’s not weird but I liked their company more, like how other boys would hang out with the guys, I liked doing that but with girls.
Recently I met someone new, she’s a lot like me in her interests and even her style, and I learned she’s transfem and that has made me question whether I might be trans myself. I asked her to call me by she/her pronouns for a bit to see how it feels, and I got a rush of happiness when she referred to me with she/her pronouns. So now I’m not sure if I am a guy or not anymore. I don’t have any discomfort towards my penis and I do think I’d miss it if it were gone, but lately I have been getting discomfort related to my chest, it feels flat and empty, and wrong. Like it should be bigger than it is. It doesn’t seem normal for a guy to feel like that.
I really need help, is it normal for a guy to feel like this or does this mean I might be trans?
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Nearly everything you’ve described is perfectly normal for both women and men, cis and trans.
I’m a trans woman. I don’t really get femininity. I don’t wear makeup, I don’t have my ears pierced. I didn’t have any desire to play around with gender non conforming clothes before I transitioned.
There is no such thing as a preference or behaviour that will tell you if you’re trans or not.
What tells you if you’re trans, is who you are underneath all of that!
I got a rush of happiness when she referred to me with she/her pronouns
That one is pretty unusual for most men and it’s worth exploring, because it’s the part of your comment most closely tied with your sense of identity and your sense of self.
And remember, you don’t need answers right away. You don’t even need labels. All you need is to give yourself permission to explore what works for you, and to help you understand yourself more.
Yeah plus I learned that I do indeed have gender dysphoria from my chest, specifically it feels empty, like I should have breasts when I do not. I did a bit of reading on genderdysphoria.fyi and I think I can say with confidence that it’s very likely I am trans.
I used to think I’m a guy, I like many masculine things like motor sports, fixing cars, playing shooters. Things that typically boys like and I have no desire to wear girly clothes or anything like that.
Okay, first of all, girls can like stuff like that too, so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Now, as to your question, possibly. I’m going to throw a bunch of questions at you, but don’t jump to any conclusions until you get to the end of my comment.
How long have you been feeling this way?
Is it possible that it’s the novelty and not the affirmation?
Are there any “girl” things you’ve always thought sounded like fun, but never tried (makeup, painting your nails, earrings, etc)? Why not?
Why do you think you’re a woman?
Are you a woman? I mean you say your penis doesn’t disgust you. Do you really want to be a woman?
Now: how did those questions make you feel? Did you feel guilty? Sad? Annoyed? Angry? Hurt? The intent of those questions was to see what your reaction would be to being doubted or questioned. Whatever you just felt, why did you feel it? Try to trace it back to its source.
It’s okay if you didn’t have any noticable reaction too. I’m just probing you in a way that’ll hopefully help you figure this out. I can’t tell you whether or not you’re trans, that’s your thing. Based on your experience with your friend, it sounds like you might be, but since this is a new thing for you, I don’t want to push you in a direction you might regret later, you know?
I think my best advice I can give you is to give it some time and keep exploring. That, and find a therapist who specializes in this kinda stuff so they can help you work out these feelings as well.
Finally, see if you vibe with this: genderdysphoria.fyi/
Oh, and it’s totally possible to have a girlcock (sorry for being an asshole earlier, I hope you understand what I was trying to do). Plenty of trans gals choose to keep theirs.
Okay, first of all, girls can like stuff like that too, so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
I know that now, but I didn’t always know that and before I used to think it meant that I’m a guy but I’m not so sure now.
Now: how did those questions make you feel? Did you feel guilty? Sad? Annoyed? Angry? Hurt? The intent of those questions was to see what your reaction would be to being doubted or questioned. Whatever you just felt, why did you feel it? Try to trace it back to its source.
Guilty, maybe a little bit confused. I feel guilty because I’ve been told that boys can’t want to be girls and part of me does indeed want to be a girl. I’ve always felt something was off, it started back when I was younger and would prefer to hang out with girls more than boys. People said it was weird and that I was weird for it but I still kept doing it because I felt like I related more with the girls than the boys. When I was younger I did want to get earrings, and while I know that boys would sometimes get one earring I didn’t like that idea. I wanted both ears pierced, but was told only girls do that, so I never did it, I felt sad that I couldn’t do it. The last question made me feel a bit scared and uncomfortable, I think I do want to be a woman but I don’t want to lose my penis, that would make me sad.
Oh, and it’s totally possible to have a girlcock (sorry for being an asshole earlier, I hope you understand what I was trying to do). Plenty of trans gals choose to keep theirs.
Really? That’s awesome I used to think that getting surgery or wanting it was required to be a trans woman. Thant changes everything. I see what you were trying to do, and thank you. I think it helped a lot.
Finally, see if you vibe with this: genderdysphoria.fyi/
I had a look through that and yeah I think I’m definitely trans. For more reasons than just the ones I talked about here. Thank you so much for helping me out.
Welcome to the family, sweetie. Unfortunately I can’t give you a whole lot more help atm, I’m unfortunately not in a place where I can actually transition myself. However, I wish you luck on your journey <3
Edit: oh yeah, btw, having a penis on estrogen is a use-it-or-lose-it kinda thing. You’ll wanna make sure you’re regularly stimulating it.
I’m still happy and grateful you were able to help me this far. I probably never would’ve figured it out if it weren’t for you and the nice people here, thank you.
Edit: oh yeah, btw, having a penis on estrogen is a use-it-or-lose-it kinda thing. You’ll wanna make sure you’re regularly stimulating it.
Oh, I wasn’t aware of that, good to know though. I don’t think that’ll be an issue since it does regularly see use 😅 and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
Hah, well, I’d still suggest making sure you’re talking to a therapist. They’ll be able to help you through the process, help you make sure it’s really what you want, things like that. It sounds like it clicked for you though, and that’s a good sign.
Yeah I’m going to try to find a therapist ASAP, then I’ll be able to talk to them but also hopefully be able to get on Estrogen soon.
Ultimately, the only thing that makes someone trans is them deciding that they are. Everyone experiences everything differently, and gender related things are no different. I advise you to slowly explore things and figure out what makes you feel good first, and pick labels as a secondary thing!
A lot of people think dysphoria is mostly genital focused, but it’s common to feel fine with what you have and feel like other aspects don’t fit you right. There’s a very useful resource, genderdysphoria.fyi, that really opened my eyes and helped me wrap my head around it and contextualize experiences for me. I recommend giving it a read through and seeing what you think!
Everything in this post is “normal for a guy to feel”, yes. Sounds like confirmation bias, but keep an open mind.
I don’t think guys normally get gender euphoria from being called she/her, or gender dysphoria from a lack of breasts. I’m very much not cis, not just because of what I said in the post but for other reasons as well. Reading through genderdysphoria.fyi I can say for certain that I’m not cis.
