I know you’re out there! If you’re part of /c/TransLater, make yourself heard!
Maybe some questions will help.
Tell us your name and where are you from? Maybe a bit about yourself
What do you enjoy spending your time on?
How have things been going as you navigate the combination of “Trans” and “Later” in your life?
What’s a question you have for other folk in the sub?
I was single at the time I transitioned 6 years ago, though I’m currently in a polycule. My partner is also a trans woman, and my metamour is a self described gender chaos gremlin :)
My biggest issues with relationships have been internal, as a navigate split attraction, as my romantic attraction doesn’t completely align with my physical attraction.
Ah, I hear you Ada. I’m dealing with my own internal struggles clearly but, I’m glad you brought up split attraction, as I’ve slowly realized that I feel the same way about my my own romantic versus sexual versus aesthetic/physical attraction. 🙄 I’m comforted that I’m not the only one wrestling with it. 🙂 Also, I’m glad to hear there’s some hope for me, though I’m not sure I could handle a polycule. 🥵 I tend to be a bit selfish or jealous, though given that I haven’t dated since I started transitioning, maybe I’ve grown.
I’ve been described as poly compatible long before being in a poly relationship. I’ve previously had partners with partners, and it brings me joy knowing that they can get things from their other partner(s) that I am not able to give them.
It’s also part of my split attraction, because though I can be romantically attracted to anyone, I tend to end up dating women, because women dating other women have a history with their own queer side that most men do not. Yet I am predominantly attracted to the physicality of men.
Well that’s really cool. As I said I tend to be a bit more selfish myself but, I can also see that I can’t and wouldn’t try to fulfill all of any potential partner’s needs, though I would think that they could find other ways of fulfilling them outside of another romantic/sexual partner. Again, I guess I’m just more reserved in my own (potential) relationships. However, as I said, I think it’s really cool that you and your partner(s) are able to be more open in that regard and do that in a way that’s fulfilling for all parties.
I find your description of your own attractions interesting. I personally a, exclusively romantically attracted to women. I’m (helpfully) also primarily aesthetically attracted to women. However, before figuring out that I was a woman myself, I thought I might be some other flavor of gay/queer and experimented a bit sexually with men. That was fairly hit and miss, mostly miss. Though I think I can say emphatically that I enjoy penis, I very rarely feel the same about the fellow attached to it. (I was never involved with other women like myself so I can’t say how much I’d enjoy that, though I tend to think a lot.) Jokingly, I’ve sometimes said to myself that “I don’t have a problem with dick, I have a problem with dudes.” But, I’ve found that’s not universally true. There have been a few men (read less than 5) who I’ve found both physically attractive and with whom I could imagine a pleasurable sexual relationship. Though all those men were (to my knowledge) heterosexual and most were involved with women so it was exclusively fantasy on my part and I still had no interest in a romantic relationship with any. I also haven’t ever been involved with anyone on the wider gender spectrum and don’t want to rule out any nonbinary, genderqueer, etc. folks simply for lack of experience. Even so, for simplicity sake I’ve sometimes labeled myself as a lesbian given my strong preference for other women in most arenas but, homoromantic bisexual is, while a bit more complex, much more accurate. Thank you for sharing your own experiences! I really enjoy learning about other people’s journeys and sharing mine.
Broadly speaking for me, romantically, I prefer openly queer partners and I want my relationships to be openly and proudly queer. However, as I’m a middle aged, post op cis passing trans woman, the men who are interested in dating me generally don’t give me that. They tend to be cis guys who want to downplay the whole trans thing, or trans guys who are happy to downplay the whole queer thing. As it is though, the people I find that want to be openly and proudly queer with me tend to be other women, so they are who I connect with the most
However, I’m more attracted to physical masculinity. Body hair, stubble, T powered body odour etc. My primary sexual attraction is to someone with a body like that who enjoys owning a body like that
I used to call myself straight, and preferentially date men, looking for the “complete package”, and whilst I’m still open to that, that search isn’t my priority. What I really want is the depth of a loving emotionally rich queer relationship, and so that’s what I prioritise, and that’s what I have now :)
Strictly speaking, I’m a panromantic heterosexual, but I just call myself queer these days and leave it at that
Awesome, I follow you, particularly the interest in and drive to be proudly openly queer. I hope that one day the “complete package” comes along for you but, I’m also overjoyed for you that you’re in a such a loving, rich and fulfilling relationship! 🥰