Earlier this week I went to see my therapist like I usually do and today I told her that I’d like to start HRT sooner rather than later, I know that people sometimes wait months if not years before starting but I’m not okay with waiting that long. Unfortunately she said that she wasn’t sure it would be a good idea and that I should wait longer to be sure. I told her I wasn’t waiting and that if she didn’t write the note for me I’m going the DIY route, and she told me that that would be a very bad idea since she believes I would regret it due to my unwillingness to “fully girlmode” (which just means she thinks me wearing makeup and having long hair alone isn’t enough) and the fact that I enjoy many manly things like bodybuilding. I for some reason mentioned that I could stop after I got the permanent changes I wanted and she responded that if I’m already considering detransitioning it’s not a good idea. What the fuck? How the fuck is stopping HRT later detransitioning? That made me so pissed off that I told her to fuck off and I just left early.
I took the advice of someone and decided to go to planned parenthood and just like that I have officially begun my journey. Kinda wish I’d done this sooner, I could’ve been 3 months along by now if I hadn’t tried to go through my therapist like a dumbass. Shame though, I did like her, she seemed nice for a long time but I don’t think I can continue to see her anymore if she thinks after all I’ve told her that I’m in any way at risk of “de-transitioning”.
Moral of the story kids, do DIY. It’s better to ask for forgiveness than wait for permission. Also be really careful how you choose your therapists, they might seem to understand you but they can screw you over in the last second.
yes, the whole idea that some hobbies are “male” and some are “female” is traditionally sexist / stereotyping. I do suspect there might be some biological role in how some of the gender differences get expressed (like, the way I played with my male-coded toys was different than the way other boys played with them, and I think my lack of interest in toys like trucks and machines related to the way my gender preferences), but the idea that the biology wholly determines these preferences (or worse, that biology determines what you should do) is obviously bunk. As usual, this stuff is extremely complex with biological, social, and psychological factors.
And even so, trans people often occupy fuzzy boundaries in terms of sex and gender, and so it makes sense we would be exactly the cohort that would challenge stereotypes and be the exception to the rule (even while some of us conform entirely to gender expectations). I would imagine the experiences of being raised as boys is likely to impact those psychological and social factors I was talking about, leading many of us to have different experiences and preferences than some cis women. But this is not special to trans people either, cis people are also diverse in their gender and experiences - and as you are pointing out, cis women can and are into cars and motorbikes or other “male” things. Some cis women have affinity for masculine coded things, it’s not like being gender-queer is reserved for people who transition or who identify differently than their assigned sex.
Anyway, I’m rambling - but I agree that gatekeeping based on stereotypes is ick, lol.