At the risk of sounding corny or edgy, I feel like I’m balancing on the edge of light and dark. Sometimes I’m very righteously angry with the world and then later I feel stupid about the anger or even shame. Trying to be more positive but negativity is so easy to slip back into when you’re not looking and every slip or meltdown feels like you’ve reset your progress.

Trying to come out of the shadows and make friends and community and shit but I let myself down in that regard a lot. Life could be better but a lot of it is what you make of it too.

No. I’m pretty burnt out.

Everything I read on burnout says that the best (only?) way to treat it is to reduce or remove whatever is causing such chronic, disproportionate stress. Unfortunately, much of my burnout is caused by the most basic aspects of living (partly because I have disabilities that make it hard to reliably fulfill my basic needs, even with support).

Given that cutting out the bad stuff isn’t an option, I’ve been trying to instead add more good stuff to my life, in hopes that it will increase my capacity and thus reduce my relative level of burnout. I’m so tremendously tired though. I’m trying so hard because I do want to live, and there are things I feel I can offer the world. However, sometimes, in my exhaustion, I find myself thinking wistfully about the depression I felt as a young adult — it was simpler when I genuinely and wholeheartedly wanted to die. In some ways, it was easier to be hopeless and merely staying alive for other people.

I’m just tired.

Yeah. Fine. You ok?

Ok is a strong word. But then others have it way worse, so I don’t want to complain. All things considered I am quite lucky. Gotta try and make the best out of it, right?

Well, after watching the United States trick liberals into being upset at Russia and basically ignore the fact that in 2014 the United States sponsored a coup in Ukraine and got rid of the Democraticly elected president and then also, we are actively committing a genocide in Gaza. And now we have a populist right-wing fascist in office because liberalism has failed and capitalism is in crisis. The expansion of the dragnet and the loss of civil liberties in the United States. The fact that airplane airliners are now going to start flying planes as nukes are dropping because they took out nuclear insurance. The dollar is constantly being devalued and all the money that you make today and save will be worth nothing. And in the town I live, I see Hooverville’s with tons of homeless people. I mean, the sugar-coated nothingness is really just not for me. You know, I just like to look at reality, even though it’s horrible, I still like to look at it. And like praying doesn’t do anything for me, because like god isn’t real. Oh, and let’s not forget about the need, I guess, nowadays to protect ourselves from nukes from space. Because, you know, the United States escalated this whole situation and now we’re in a new Cold War. And also, Trump’s golden dome is not going to protect certain areas of the United States. So, if you’re like, oh, that sounds like a great idea. Why not keep us safe? Well, first off, the Iron Dome is not perfect. And second, the Golden Dome is not going to protect certain areas in the United States. Also, pretty much all the money goes to the military industrial complex, and not to health care, or anything that makes any fucking sense. And here we are now, going to spend money on a goddamn fucking dome. I’d rather fucking just roll the goddamn dice and just provide some fucking health care and decent fucking wages and if they drop nukes on us fuck it fuck it I’m ready to go anyways. Like, what fucking country in the world has dropped a nuke on a civilian population? That’s fucking right. The God damn United States. Honestly, whoever they point at goddamn weapon at is probably asking for it. The fucking American Empire is a ratchet ass hellhole. I guess you would say, well that doesn’t sound like anything’s happening to you, you’re just worrying about things. But I mean, if the freight trains coming the freight trains coming, stuff like this is actually sometimes worse, you know. Like, the lack of emotional intelligence. I mean, to be honest, no one’s doing okay. For many reasons, either they are incredibly ignorant to the problems of today, or they’re being affected by the problems of today. I don’t know. It’s just like phony pop psychology nonsense. This wholesome hope core nonsense. And now I gotta figure out how to block this stupid feed.

Pretty shite, honestly. Going to be a bit of a piece of shit until Friday at 5, at which point I’ll be disappearing from society for a few days

I think I’m doing well all things considered, thanks!

The only reason I can’t speak for certainty is because of my anxiety from well… gesters at what’s happening to my country. This anxiety is also making my executive distinction worse which is probably my biggest day-to-day challenge at the moment.

I’m not ok, but I’m gonna be alright.

My long time girlfriend that cheated on me and got pregnant is solely confiding in me because she found out the other guy cheated on her. I’m an innocent and relatively quiet guy. I feel like I’m being pulled into a black hole.

I haven’t been okay in over 40 years, why should today be any different?

I’m quitting all my jobs and will be unable to afford housing very soon. (again)

But at least I will be able to breathe.

Going to the cystic fibrosis clinic today, I hate going to the doctor but it’s an upgrade because I used to have to go to the transplant clinic instead which would require way more invasive tests but I’m still nervous. But aside from all the shitty stuff going on in the world things have been ok for me, my daughter is home for the summer from college and we have been really relishing our together time

Hangin in, my homie, hangin in :)

not great TBH tanks for asking. no one asks me anymore. its nice to read. even tho its not personally directed itll do.

No.