Again, this is not for armchair diagnosis. Just to analyze the behavior.

My sister Lena (14F) has just graduated the eighth grade. All throughout middle school, she had a friend named Ashlyn (14F).

Ashlyn presented a sort of “face” to Lena that attracted her: kind, a good listener, supportive, etc. Early on, Lena started to figure out that Ashlyn had red flags, but didn’t think much of them. For example, Ashlyn would ask “Lena, do you know that everyone hates you? I don’t know why but X student said Y about you! And it’s such a shame, you’re so kind!”

Ashlyn would also say stuff like that she was the “main character”, that she was the “queen bee”, etc. She would often call herself a fashion expert and she and her friends would make fun of Lena for her hair, clothes, etc.

Once, Ashlyn apparently said that she had NPD, and is reported by others to behave narcissistically.

A way I can describe Ashlyn is: cares a lot about status and appearance. She wants to be rich, popular, and pretty. She’s athletic, passionate, and energetic. Very influential of her peers and goes after what she wants without much care of others or how it affects them.

Ashlyn really likes sports, but she found out one day that Lena does not. Ashlyn got mad at Lena for being bad at sports despite not playing, tried to hurt(?) Lena multiple times by throwing the ball at her face/head, etc. She also expects Lena to catch a ball that she throws way over her head, behind her or in a completely different direction (Ex: If Ashlyn throws to a girl who is standing across the room from Lena and way to the right, she expects Lena to catch it, not the other girl).

Ashlyn has talked behind her back and started fights with Lena multiple times, threatening to kick her out of the friend group permanently and never speak to her again. Often, the reasons will be for petty stuff such as: not liking her disorder, not liking her tics, not liking her stutter, saying hi to her, or confusing one word for another (ex: saying “instigating” instead of “antagonizing”).

Ashlyn has admitted that she isn’t a good person and that she pretends to be nice to everyone so she doesn’t make enemies and ruin her reputation at school. She even sends videos in the group chat saying she hates certain people, or saying “me with most of you!! 😂”. She also just smiled and nodded whenever Lena said something and said it’s because she doesn’t care about Lena or what she has to say.

After “throwing Lena away”, so to speak, she then acts really nice and really wants Lena to talk to her again. Lena has gotten used to this by now, I’m sure. Lena has told Ashlyn many times about how she feels, but Ashlyn cares more about her image, truly, than about how she affects others. Ashlyn does not want to seek help because she thinks seeking professional help is too expensive, doesn’t care enough to do any introspection or see how she affects people, and would rather talk to her friends.

It seems Ashlyn truly doesn’t see there’s a problem.

Ashlyn acts like an expert on advice often and wants personal information from Lena, but does not give any information about herself to Lena, only about her achievements.

Ashlyn’s half-black (mixed), so she also thinks she has an excuse to call people multiple slurs. She was born in America, though, unlike Lena, who was born in Chile, so she found that to tease her for too.

This behavior is certainly abusive. Lena has graduated and will not see Ashlyn again or for a while, and I was wondering what your thoughts were or if NPD people can act like this.