I’ve been abused and bullied for years even as a child/young teenager, and my friend told me it was my fault and that if I wasn’t such a subhuman waste of space, I wouldn’t be abused and then believed all the lies her friends made about me. She then “forgave” me (IDK what I did wrong, I may have, though) but what she said still hurts. Is it a person’s fault for being abused?
Are there people in your life you can trust that don’t offend you?
This sounds rough, the “friend” has major red flags all over for being dangerously toxic.
You will need support from people that actually care.
Try to find safe spaces if you don’t have any, public library could be an option to find a new social hangout, don’t tell your “friend”.