My girlfriend and I have been together roughly 4 years. Over the past two I’ll admit I’ve been a bit complacent, i want really putting in show effort i probably showed have. Took our relationship for granted. Recently over the past year our sex life nose dived from probably once or twice a week to once a month to not at all. Granted a lot of that was caused by her depression which was exacerbated by hormonal birth control she was on. So seeking to alleviate that we took out the implant and she decided she was comfortable with getting an IUD instead and seeing if that worked. Immediately after having it put in, within a day or two, if I touched her she felt genuinely disgusted. Like a close friend was getting too handsy. She completely lost all sexual attraction to me and even hated being around me. Just looking at me or talking to me put her in a shitty mood. Within a week we took the IUD out and while there was not immediate improvement she now enjoys being around me but not be touched. I also have my reasons to believe she doesn’t love me as much as she once did and is considering a breakup.
It’s all just happening very fast. Her sister and I are working on compiling ways I could improve on our relationship. We’ve compiled date and gift ideas as well as a flowchart for how to construct a date as a surprise without giving her anxiety (what info to give her what not etc etc). I’m regularly visiting the gym mainly to blow of steam but also in hopes that I could be a bit more sexually attractive to her idk. My girlfriend and I have also talked about maybe doing couples therapy. She wants to make it work but she sometimes seems like she’s gauging how I would react if we did break up. At this point I don’t know what to do, I’m terrified of losing but I feel like everything I’m doing is way too much way too late.
I hate to tell you this, but I think you already know in your heart. She already made the decision. The rest of it’s just finding the right time, or the right excuse, or the right option for the next move.
Considering the sex life dived before the birth control change, it’s probably not an initiating factor.
I hope you can win her back, I really do. But you should be prepared for that conversation to happen as well. So start improving yourself, don’t base yourself worth on being a couple, focus on your individual skills, have your own agenda and social life, to make the break up easier if it does happen. And if it doesn’t happen improving yourself doesn’t hurt
Yes, this person is right. When your relationship involves flowcharts, that’s work.
Granted we don’t know the rest of the story (her side) I’d agree that this relationship is over.
I’m so sorry mate. You deserve much better.
She hasn’t completely checked out. We’ve both agreed we want to make things work, we want to love again. We’ve both cried a lot tonight. The IUD definitely wasn’t the root cause for sure but it made things very suddenly worse. She says she doesn’t want to break up with me but she admitted it isn’t something she hasn’t thought about. I guess time will tell
Good luck to you. I hope it works out.
I can only speak to my personal relationships, and when the sex slows down, and the other person’s not interested… It’s not that things can’t be saved, but things are already over, the other person is just looking for a comfortable exit from the situation. Some people don’t like to make immediate and clean relationship ends, they wait for the next relationship to start, they wait for a soft landing before they end the last relationship, and give up all the perks and benefits of being in a relationship. Like companionship, emotional labor, housing, an event planner, food, or even just the fear of being alone.
It might be subconscious, but I’ve never recovered a relationship from this position. I’ve extended it sure, but it’s just more painful to watch a train crash in slow motion. Nothing twists the knife more than having your soon to be ex-girlfriend introduce you as her " friend" when meeting new people.