At your age I was a kissless virgin, depressed, suicidal, threatened by homelessness, unemployed, about to drop out of education, addicted to alcohol and felt destined to be unhappy forever.
The suffering was unbearable at times.
I already had chosen a bridge to jump from.

Today I’m happily married, in a fulfilling job, financially independent, and am at peace with my demons. The thing that turned my life around was telling myself “I don’t care about life anymore, so nothing in life matters. Not even what my parents or anyone else thinks about me. So I might as well not give a fuck about their opinions, admit how weak I am, and ASK FOR HELP.”

There is always hope. The only mistake in life you can’t undo, the only thing that’ll 100% keep you from achieving your goals, would be ending your life before you had the chance to blossom.

I felt that way for more than a decade, now I do find some enjoyment in activities. Difficult to imagine of course.

It gets better.

Read that sentence and examine how you feel reading it.

One possibility is you feel hopeful. That is an unlikely possibility, based on my experience with depression.

Another possibility is that you feel like I don’t understand what you’re going through and can’t ever understand.

A third might be that you don’t think it can possibly get better.

A fourth might be that you don’t even want it to get better.

Just read the first sentence and examine your emotional reaction to it.

Based on your emotional reaction, ask yourself “So then what do I really want?”

And examine yourself for the answer.

If the answer is anything other than life affirming, start with some new questions: what I need right now? What do I have the energy for? What am I missing? If I had no responsibilities except to myself right now, what would I do for me?

Ask until you find something for yourself: sleep, food, coziness, hot cocoa, a funny movie, a video game, call someone, whatever. Listen to your body. What do you need in this moment?

Practice.

It gets better.