bit dramatic but i feel like its the only thing im good at. comitting the 7 deadly sins. its all i live for. it controls my life in a way i cant see it doing to others.
lust. -i get limerent too much and too intrigued by sexual topics. gluttony. -im a slave to food. wrath. -ive lost it too many times. greed. -i have so much crap and am not as frugal as i need to be. pride. -im too proud to be real with people. envy. -i spend my life comparing myself, making excuses. sloth. -i bed rot. its not cool and girlypop, its sick.
should i just take the “medicine” and conform to eventually one day end it all myself? im not special or cute. i do suck. i think everyone should feel good about themselves, who they are and what theyre doing. do i feel good like this?.. i feel like a stupid disappoint. take the meds, that will make everything better. wait til everyone you know dies so you can start fresh… thats not going to happen.
living like a zombie feels /comes natural to me so maybe its just who i am and i dont need to try and change that. everyone else is naturally who they are…
idk what im saying but thanks for reading my sad post.
i want him to like me because it makes me feel worth something. i dont need to work on myself if i have his attention. im good. i can submit my life to him but he doesnt want that anyway… so then what? actually get up… i have addictions- boys, wasting/spending money, the internet, food… these are my vices. maybe i should trial a week without 1 at a time. lets see… theres always somethig that gets in the way. i feel like i have no brain and the world has my brain. everyone else has their brain plus a bit of mine…
i need to be better
I feel like such a shitty person that the only way I can really satisfy and be close to the people around me is if I’m on something. My aura is in the minuses. And I’m 23 so no excuses. I just suck.
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I’m going to pick through this some, but I’m an idiot, so take this all with a salt lick (preferably one of those massive ones they give cattle).
it controls my life in a way i cant see it doing to others.< There are two factors here, and both need to be addressed.
- You admit you have a problem. That’s a really good place to start. As you grow up and deal with people more and more, you’ll start to see just how rare it is that (some) people honestly realize that they have a problem.
- Your issues are not unique. People are slaves to their emotions and their addictions. The problem with addictions is that they aren’t all illegal, questionably, or otherwise ‘unusual’ substances. Some pretty people post on sites like Instagram because they need the positive feedback, otherwise they feel like shit, or feel like a lesser person for it.
should i just take the “medicine” and conform to eventually one day end it all myself?<
That is a very permanent solution to temporary problems. I’m not going into my personal history here, but even seriously considering it is a bad idea. If you really are thinking about this, please seek medical help and get medicated, if needed (fwiw, I’m hugely opposed to antidepresants, but if one is seriously considering something like this, then I’d say go for it).
living like a zombie feels /comes natural to me so maybe its just who i am and i dont need to try and change that.<
Not entirely sure what you mean here. Are you apathetic towards life? Do you go through your day-to-day life in an emotionless, numb haze? Or do you mean you’re constantly simply on autopilot and not really being yourself?
everyone else is naturally who they are…<
Honestly, this is a funny, because of how untrue it is. People like to portray theirselves in certain lights, and pretend that is who they are. In fact, some people put up such a front for so much of their lives, they lose who they really are in the end.
i want him to like me because it makes me feel worth something. i dont need to work on myself if i have his attention.<
I’ve seen more than one woman ruin herself with this kind of mentality. Self-confidence is king. If you rely on others to dictate your mental state, then you are their slave. It only takes one person to walk into your life before you find yourself in a very bad place.
I’ve been there myself. It sucks. Therapy might help. Medication might help. Figuring out what you seem to dislike about yourself and working on that, or accepting it, will help.
Again, not a doctor in any regard, but I’ve been there myself, and for others, when these kinds of problems arise. I know some bad stories. If nothing else, keep this in mind; you have acknowledged that you have problems. In my experience, that is more than half way to solving them. The next thing to do is to try and resolve those issues in a sane, safe, and reasonable manner.
Being a teen kind of lends itself to that because you have no real control over your life. You get home exhausted and then by the time you eat, shower, get yelled at by your parents for being lazy, it’s already 8PM. The only autonomy you have is at night time.