“If I don’t do everything right, then my kid will end up living on my couch forever or be a serial killer. … I don’t know if or when I’ll have what it takes to be a ‘good’ parent."
These are pretty much the words I’ve heard spoken. Especially when there’s a lack of a support system / a support system you trust to help raise the kid right. The fear of permanently screwing up some poor soul is real.
I think stability is a pretty big factor too. It’s not just owning a house and having a job that pays the bills. It’s about being in a place where you feel able to really give the kid everything they will need, emotionally and monetarily, in the long term.
If one can’t count on a job to see the humanity in people, or even pay a living wage, how can they trust that their employer won’t let them go if their “metrics” go to crap, or that they wont just drive them insane. It’s nice to think you can leave the baggage at the door, but I’ve definitely been employed at places that have permanently changed me as a person, and not for the better.
Obviously, everyone has their own reasons for not wanting a child, but, at its core, it’s our screwed up society and what it demands from us, with so little of a return.
My husband and I had two kids because we (1) both have union jobs with decent worklife balance, and (2) had high quality yet reasonably priced daycare in our neighborhood. (It still cost us more than our mortgage when both were in daycare.) If we didn’t have that we’d have only one kid and still make some pretty big sacrifices (we both really wanted kids). I truly don’t know how other people do it without kind, generous family members nearby or very high paying jobs. ETA: We know A LOT of families with only one kid.
“If I don’t do everything right, then my kid will end up living on my couch forever or be a serial killer. … I don’t know if or when I’ll have what it takes to be a ‘good’ parent."
These are pretty much the words I’ve heard spoken. Especially when there’s a lack of a support system / a support system you trust to help raise the kid right. The fear of permanently screwing up some poor soul is real.
I think stability is a pretty big factor too. It’s not just owning a house and having a job that pays the bills. It’s about being in a place where you feel able to really give the kid everything they will need, emotionally and monetarily, in the long term. If one can’t count on a job to see the humanity in people, or even pay a living wage, how can they trust that their employer won’t let them go if their “metrics” go to crap, or that they wont just drive them insane. It’s nice to think you can leave the baggage at the door, but I’ve definitely been employed at places that have permanently changed me as a person, and not for the better.
Obviously, everyone has their own reasons for not wanting a child, but, at its core, it’s our screwed up society and what it demands from us, with so little of a return.
My husband and I had two kids because we (1) both have union jobs with decent worklife balance, and (2) had high quality yet reasonably priced daycare in our neighborhood. (It still cost us more than our mortgage when both were in daycare.) If we didn’t have that we’d have only one kid and still make some pretty big sacrifices (we both really wanted kids). I truly don’t know how other people do it without kind, generous family members nearby or very high paying jobs. ETA: We know A LOT of families with only one kid.