I think, not self-diagnosing.

I always have to have the spotlight due to being dismissed and bullied constantly. I’m an attention whore who constantly looks for validation from every little thing and NEEDS to post something to get my thoughts heard and talk to someone so they listen to me and I have their attention.

I’m autistic which also could have something to do with it, and I always get the “narcissistic” or “attention seeking” personality in quizzes though I know these quizzes are bullshit.

I get very depressed when I’m ignored.

I can’t bear to think of myself in a negative light nor work on myself barely because it makes me depressed and I’m so “addicted” to good times. I only like people who treat me well, anyone else is treating me badly and I see them as a bully or a bad person.

I was violent when I was younger, questioned authority and rules. Now I’m not because I see that people logically must have the same feelings as me and are human like me, not side characters or NPCs, so I don’t hurt them. I threw chairs in kindergarten due to anger issues not caring who it hurt and struggled with empathy.

Sometimes, if I’ve been through something bad, I can empathize with them, but I often struggle empathizing unless I’m in the right mood or moment, especially with TV shows because I know they’re not real.

I empathize only really with people who “earned” it, and I really am a bad person.

People have said I feel remorse, but not guilt I think.

So, yeah… my Dad is a narcissist. It would make sense if I was a narcissist who hides it well somehow. But no one would believe me since I hide it so well, I just seem like a hyperactive attention seeker who is somewhat extroverted.

Mom has said to have BPD traits but she is hyperempathetic. I am also a lot like my dad and he only cares about people he can get something out of who give him attention somewhat. He only empathizes with people he cares about too.