I get it…

I hate my former country, People’s Republic of China…

Sometimes my parents yell at me and I’m like: I hate being ethnic Chinese

Like its not just government issue, there’s whole cultural issue, with toxic masculinity, dismissal of emotions, ignoring mental struggles…

I guess I should consider myself to be lucky enough to have emigrated… but then again the US is having its own corruption issue…

So you never really escape all the problems, but still, there is not other option than the US, so I just learn to embrace it. It’s still a better alternative to China (IMO)

I mean… perfection is hard… I sometimes dream about being born norweigian instead… they seem to be so happy… better social safety net…

I sometimes imagine the alternate timeline where I remained in China…

oh jeez I feel depressed just thinking about it…

The neighborhood I used to live in… it was just such a slum…

So polluted… (not necessary any government’s fault, just the reality of a developing country)

And the authorities barely even care about safety regulations…

Parents cant even trust the milk formulas…

Parents were worried about food poisoning…

I’m sorry you didn’t get an opportunity to emigrate…

Do you politically oppose the government?

If so, Maybe talk to some lawyers or human rights activists? Being a dissident, especially if you got on the government’s radar, it might qualify you for political asylum abroad…

Like try to pretend you want to go somewhere as a tourist or something… then just stay there and claim asylum… but be prepared to leave everything behind… also you could get denied so you might wanna gather evidence… have you been to any protests? take pictures… Screenshot any and all internet posts… you need it to strengthen your asylum claim.

Lot’s of people feel shit about their government too, and rightfully so. All around the world organs of power are constantly betraying the people they should protect for the interest of few. Just try your best to be a decent human to the persons next to you.

Self loathing tends to happen when you are young. Been there. Black and all. Have pride about your Rus heritage, not about the shit stain government you currently have.

Do you need to talk? BTW you are NOT your government

Мне кажется я был на твоём месте в 2022 году когда переехал в Грузию. Взвалил на себя ответственность за войну 2008 года, за преступления в Украине и прочее, прочее.

Я помню когда всё повернулось для меня: когда я хотел присоединиться к Волонтёрам Тбилиси - вроде как благотворительной организации, занимающейся помощью беженцам из Украины. То, что я скажу дальше - мой личный опыт, ребята действительно делали великое дело. Но в 2022 я увидел как некоторые из тех, кому они помогали и те, кто собственно был подписан как админ в их группе распространяли дикую ересь про то, что единственная настоящая благотворительность - донаты ВСУ на дроны, а русские трусы, которые сбежали от мобилизации должны вернуться обратно чтобы “сделать революцию”, а те, кто называет себя русским, на самом деле просто убийца и оккупант.

Я не помню за собой, чтобы я когда-то после школы причислял себя к ин-группе, но в тот момент это стало очевидно: это была воронка ненависти, ровно тот же механизм, использующийся в российской пропаганде: вот есть Мы, есть они; чтобы Мы тебя приняли ты должен ненавидеть их. А эмигранты это такой же уязвимый класс как и бедные в России.

Оставлю тут только один совет. Посмотри какой контент ты потребляешь. Ты можешь не замечать как оно тебя засасывает, заставляет тебя думать так, как ты думаешь. Ты - такая же жертва пропаганда, как те русские которых ты описываешь. Я тоже. Отличие только в том, что мы можем вырвать провод, питающий это.

Therapy might help (serious and not joking). You can’t change who you are and you are not your government.

You are you, you are unique and special. The actions of your government is not your choice and does not define you. As long as you try your best to be a good person, there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone has their bad and good side though, don’t let your bad moments make you think negatively of yourself.

Another note, like someone else wrote; a lot of people hate their own government and their actions. In today’s era, most (if not all) governments only think about their own power, wealth and money.

It’s such a pity I wasn’t born in the ussr when there was no internet and everything was closed; then I wouldn’t have known that there was another life

I’m barely but still old enough to know life before widespread internet adoption and cellphones. Grew up in a conservative christian monoculture 99% white town in bumfuck Alberta. If you’re genuinely intelligent and don’t just believe everything you’re told to believe by family, society, church, and government at face value uncritically, you’d still have a high chance of seeing through the Matrix code so to speak OP I guarantee it. You just wouldn’t know how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Don’t hate yourself! I love every Russian I’ve ever met, I’d love to visit Russia one day, it looks like a beautiful country.

Y’all just have a leadership problem. That Putin nutsack and a few other oligarchs need to get incurable cancer of the balls and face.

And don’t be led by the notion that the grass is that much greener elsewhere. I’ve met many an immigrant who was a little disappointed of the reality they’ve found when they got here. Lord know we’ve got our issues too.

Just try to be kind and loving to your neighbors, and build what community you can. God willing all these stupid wars will be over one day and I can go on a grand Russian tour!

I believe that everyone contributes to humanity in a meaningful way, regardless of where you are. At the very least, I’m sure that people you’re related to want to see you staying healthy and happy (including other Russian people you’re distantly related to).

Hating a part of one’s self reminds me of https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9761-avoidant-personality-disorder (and maybe other mental conditions), so talking with a licensed medical professional about this might be helpful for you.

I want to note that I see resources for Russia from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

is that you ghost of Charly Kirk?