Thanks to everyone listening yesterday.
Spoke to p’s last night. A bit of the email advice got through but being realistic I think it helped only very little.
As long there are some supplement going in that’s best I can hope for. Tone wasn’t great w/ ol’ boy (usually the opposite on when on trips), and was very easy to pick more mental decline w/ ol’ girl. Doesn’t take long with little food that’s for sure. Gonna have to wait and see the damage with that.
Anyway brighter news.
Made it down the bellarine last night. Before leaving though the tradies next door had their radio up quite loud w/ house. I’d left the speakers from the partay outside (which are louder) so started blaring heavy drumandbass. They switched their playlist to DnB too lol so it was like a multi residence un-beatmatched rave for a few hours.
Someone my husband works with has opened a new bar/restaurant thing. YL was meant to take us tonight but she has uni so my husband will have to drive. Which means I will need to sample the cocktails on my own. It’s a big responsibility. I think I can do it.
Update: WE NOW HAVE A DRIVER 🍹
What we all suffer in the name of family harmony …
Remember, you’re drinking for two. Do what you will with that information.
I love reading updates from you
And am looking forward to hearing how your night goes :)
Please review each one for us!
Will do!
Interesting conversation overheard on the tram this morning. Between a group of 4-5 mid-high school boys. All friends I think, but there were 3 different school uniforms present. About consent. All relevant factors emerged in the conversation like self control, impulse control, drunkenness licence, teasing, narcissism, sociopathy, inherent evil, influence of religion, good manners, peer pressure etc. - the whole nine yards. Manosphere not specifically mentioned but that topic hovered in the background. I could understand if they were processing a session done by a school - but 3 schools at the same time? And discussed in the morning not on the way home after the session. I was actually impressed by the level of maturity the boys were using to discuss the issue. Not all agreement, of course, but a very good level of general understanding by all. There is hope for the future.
I’m hesitant to watch the Louis Theroux doco because I know I’ll be angered and disillusioned. It’s good to know it’s not all doom and gloom for the next generation.
Watch a skit parody short instead https://m.youtube.com/shorts/AkQZ4l3Fv_I
This channel always gives me a cackle
So many young lads are lovely when they want to be
So tired today. I can literally feel my body entering hibernation mode with our darker, drearier mornings. Will to get out of bed this morning was non-existent.
And I have a psych appointment later today and have to talk about my feelings, zero motivation for this. Wish I could cancel but they charge a penalty, so I must go.
load up on fish oils, b12 and vitamin D. Won’t undo the winter drearies but will help keeping neurochem levels out of the toilet.
Oof yeah, I’ve only cancelled one psych appt and it was a good $250+ for cancelling. Such a pain in the wallet lol.
And totally get what you mean about the dreary mornings, and finding the motivation to deep dive on emotions and feelings. Sometimes the healthiest habits are the hardest 💀
I think I’m going to crack a cider
Had the ecocardiogram and the guy that did it said he didn’t see any issues.
Wearing this holter thing now to measure my heart rate for 24 hours.
Also I have a feeling work is going to let me go because of this. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them the truth.
Urgh.
are they allowed to sack you for being sick? You get sick leave, that’s the law.
No. They can ask you to resign. But they can’t fire you for being sick. They also don’t have to put down “employee unwell” as the termination reason though.
So fucky.
They did when I got really sick. They didn’t say it was the reason but after my performance dipped and I told them of my health suddenly my contract wasn’t renewed.
They can’t sack you for being unwell. But they don’t have to say their actual reason for termination, unfortunately.
Talk to fairwork if you are let go and feel it’s retaliatory firing
Also I have a feeling work is going to let me go because of this. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them the truth.
if they do, they would be very very silly. It is cheaper to pay you wages than a fair work lawsuit.
I can barely do anything for myself in the "adulting" realm and I want to change that.
I am going through the process of having to “reparent” myself. My mum is a helicopter parent. She thinks I am not capable of doing anything and tries to do it for me. Or she cooks food and I eat it. I am grateful that she does things for me, but I see people my age being entirely self-sufficient and I feel like shit.
My boyfriend practically lives alone in his family home. He does everything for himself. In my house, everyone’s washing gets washed together. Even if the boyfriend does a load of washing, it is all his.
If I ever have kids, I am teaching them chores as soon as they are ready. I would have really benefitted from a sense of mastery as a kid, especially with physical tasks that take me a lot longer than other people to get. Also self-compassionate talk and validating their emotions. Watch that go out the window in the heat of the moment.
I had a similar upbringing. Wog parents mentality is to do everything for their kids, even into adulthood; especially for sons. I really didn’t learn much day-to-day life skills living at home. At the time I hated this, especially comparing myself to more independent people in my life.
Moving out of home came with a sharp learning curve to care for myself, but i think I can say with confidence now that I am very self-sufficient. You will learn the skills you need when you need to, you are not “behind”, and honestly I miss my parents doing stuff for me because now I spend a lot of my non-work time doing chores. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, gardening and more. I don’t really enjoy doing any of it - I like to keep a clean home, eat good food and have a nice-looking garden and that’s stressful, it’s a lot for one person especially.
This!! It does seem like the grass is greener. I do value the wog thing where you get taken care of as an adult.
I could have benefitted from the same tbh. Mum was also a very paranoid helicopter, so hitting adulthood was very hard - all the chores I never got taught, those little grandma/ma tricks and tips for cleaning, nada.
It’s hard in adulthood having to re-parent yourself and find these resources, but I believe in you! It can be done. And honestly I reckon you’ll find it easier to learn when you’re not living with mum. Some mum’s like the control over the household (for a variety of personal and patriarchal reasons), so sometimes it takes leaving to give yourself space to learn. You got this girl!
Thank you :))
It’s really good you want to do this! Atleast your generation has the internet and YouTube to help you.
You are doing great
chores are the easy thing
it’s all the rest that is hard, I’ve had to parent myself in nearly every other way 😔
I love that you recognise this and want to upskill yourself, so to speak. My mum wasn’t a helicopter parent, but I still wasn’t taught basic skills. Moved out at 18 having no idea how to cook or clean or have any financial responsibility. Took me a few years to get the hang of it, tbh.
Oh dear. I wasn’t in quite the same boat, could cook, clean, and power tool when I left at 17. Money and adulting paperwork on the other hand was a shit show and I made some profoundly stupid decisions. Still do really, must learn about Super properly soon!!
Nobody taught me to power tool :(
I spent most weekends in primary school ‘helping’ build a house, stuff rubs off. You can improvise a hammer, but don’t move out without a shifting spanner.
I have a toolbox but despite male family having those skills I taught basic repairs to myself :(
You’ve got this!
That is the worst… I got a mix of that, some things I had to help with growing up (so I learned a few no frills meals, cleaning and to run a washing machine) but the vast majority of adult skills I had to teach myself after leaving home. I’m still learning them and a lot are incomplete even at my current age.
There’s Mom How Do I and Dad How Do I
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVo2ns_7YaVzFYVX5JgV_uQ
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCNepEAWZH0TBu7dkxIbluDw
I will also answer any particular questions if I can.
Ps. Seriously consider accessing somewhere that does financial counselling, because I got none of that and had to learn about money management from influencers, avoided debt so hard I never built up a good credit score, and never got taught how to manage a super. Also definitely get help learning how to do taxes.
Edit: I also recommend you find the lever to turn the mains water supply off, same for the gas. If either leaks you can just cut the flow. Keep a bill for each handy so the faults number is right there. And locate the electrical switchboard for your house.
Highly recommend starting a savings account and setting up automatic deductions now.
And when you get photo id? Update it before it expires. Make sure you have your birth certificate and passport when you move out.
Thank you Melba!!! You should get paid to give practical tips to people. I’m sure people are doing just that.
Because I work casually, how much I get paid each week varies but I tend to put some away automatically into a HISA.
I dunno. There’s definitely stuff I had to teach myself and is highly iffy
And stuff I didn’t cover for reasons
Mental health, grieving
I feel so sad and scared all of the time. There has been talk of antidepressants but I’ve tried so many and none of them have worked. They just cause intolerable side effects with no benefit and then severely destabilize me when I have to come off them. So I’m stuck like this. Treatment resistant.
I wrap Melbcat’s urn in a blanket burrito and hold it close at night to feel like she’s still there. It’s something but not really helping fully. It’s only been 21 days which both looks like so long but feels like nothing. I still can’t believe she’s gone.
The people around me are supportive but have limited availability and have their own lives which are very separate from mine. Other old friends have drifted. Other people move on from your grief a lot faster than you do. And social thinning is very real as an adult.
so many hugs
can you ask your doctor if he knows any real life support groups
and of course there are support groups on the internet, we are here too
🫂🫂🫂
I might do that, thanks
There’s a number of pet bereavement services out there. I can’t name any specific ones but I’d query https://grief.org.au/ for recommendations.
Thanks, I’ll have to find one I feel comfortable with. There’s been a lot happening already but losing Melbcat has really undone me
🫂🫂🫂
In the past I was very adverse to medication due to side effects, till I found a Dr that was willing to work with my concerns and we found a non-SSRI med that didn’t have the side effects I was worried about (Agomelatine/ Valdoxan). It may be worth broaching the topic with your GP to explore options.
I also wonder if a commissioned soft toy of Melbcat would be comforting. It may also be safer than her Urn to sleep with. 🖤
You are doing so well working through this grief. The first month is the hardest. Numbness seeps in a bit like a scab.
I lost my dog a couple of years ago.
spoiler
**it was the hardest thing to bear. If I hadn’t have been in a relationship with someone else acting as a tether at the time, I’m not sure I’d still be here.
For me the first year was a year of mourning, but it gets easier to remember all the good times, and how much they were loved. I have developed meaningful rituals on his birthday and anniversary of passing. He continues to be a part of my life as I continue to move on.
I hope you gentle recovery and I hope this somewhat helps or consoles you. 🖤
I’ve tried that one repeatedly. It made me mildly sleepy for a few weeks initially then pooped out, now it does nothing. I’m possibly a lost cause.
Soft toys are too light. They feel cold and dead.
I’m sorry to go on but I loved my cat like a child and losing her has been the straw that broke the camels back. Not even losing family members did this
Completely understandable. No need to be sorry. 🫂
I’m sorry for the unsolicited advice. I only wish there was some way to help. Which I also know is impossible.
It’s cool, I’m just a bit inconsolable
Hugs.
Here are a few things that have helped me when grieving. Take or leave
- something really small that’s just nice that you can either look forward to or savour. Ginger tea or sweet black tea - just sipping and enjoying is my go to. Or finding a eucalyptus and just putting my hand on it and saying good morning. Tiny tiny tiny little rituals.
- use some external thing to drown out the rumination. For me that’s ABC late night radio, a few really low stakes podcasts (dear Hank and John is my current one) yoga lectures, audiobooks. Just something I can listen to and not the thoughts. I call it constructive disassociation.
- on audiobooks the ABC listen app has a whole heap of free classics as audiobooks. Classics are great because they are a bit dull. I read all of Asimov’s books and others when my sister was dying
- emergency relief. Sure you know the basic panic attack stuff. Look up humming breath and ujjayi breath. Lie on your back with legs up (e.g. resting on bed) or in fetal position with cushion between legs and do one of these. The noise helps calm .
- I will pop more thoughts in if anything helps. You know the basics - sleep, water, food, sun, move. But these are some little weird things that have helped. Also I sometimes set a timer. I will crap into bed and curl up. Set alarm for 15 mins. Feel it all for an amount of time the get up shower/move/glass of water and big breath. The timer is more about permission to let go then “you must be done and up again now” if that makes sense. The trick is letting it out/integrate while still living in the littlest of ways.
Thanks, I really appreciate this.
Fucking hell, had a car run into the bike this morning. Unc was stopped right in front of the pedestrian crossing, car in front of him takes off and he stays there, so it looks like he’s waiting for me to cross. I had a feeling that wasn’t the case but how can you tell?
I go to cross and that’s when he takes off, running into the wheel of the bike. I was fine and the bike’s alright, front wheel might be a bit out of whack so I’m dropping it off at the bike store for a service on the way home.
I go up to his window and yell and swear at him a bit, he was probably on his phone and not looking. I had just pumped the tyres up and the bike was rolling so well, didn’t even get a whole ride out of it.
you are unharmed, that is good
I’d like people to not be on their phones whilst driving and look where they’re going. That’s the next step
How the bloody hell does he keep managing to turn the doona 90 degrees in the middle of the night?
Seperate doonas that overlap in the middle
That’s for a different issue
At some point he grabs the whole thing and using his arms and legs twirls it like pizza dough. It’s landing 90 degrees off but it’s been on a journey.
Turning into a buritto is a thing so pizza isn’t that far a stretch
He doesn’t deserve doona.
Such a great night. Here’s some pics.
spoiler
If you’re ever in Point Cook give this bar a go. It’s called Lovesick Bar. 5/5 yum yums.
Poor little chilli slice (on the squid?). All by its lonesome.
I wonder who got it.
They all got picked off and not by me.
I demand cocktail reviews please!
Honestly they were all great. We tried most of their signature drinks. Lovesick sour, Sex & candy, Part time lover, Chilli Martini, Spring blossom, another one that I don’t know the name of.
Love the names!! Glad to hear you’ve had a great night!
The vibes look immaculate
There may have been more drinks and food and I may have forgotten to take pics beforehand. Oops.
that looks really yum
def am going to try this place 👍
It was fantastic.
Wrecked calf and ankle. Just sore and needed strapping.
I love walking around with a pronounced limp like a 70s pimp.
You need one of those giant walking canes. The 5ft tall pimp ones. Almost a pool cue.
I’m thinking something like Snoop had in Starsky & Hutch
I was thinking of Chapelle’s Playa Haters Ball characters.
That’s Silky Johnson!! Put some respect on his name!!
Both are solid choices.
Happy PHM Day! I’ve got tickets for Saturday but can’t wait to hear reactions from those seeing it before then!
Been a while since I’ve looked forward to seeing a movie at the cinema. It’s nice.
Engage spoiler protector (even though I’ve read the book)
Just overheard a shopkeeper deny a customer a return because her store had a certain limit for the day and they weren’t able to do returns over that limit. When the customer had left, I queried it because what if the item was faulty and she said “faulty is different” (obviously because they legally have to), but still… that doesn’t sit right at all.
That sounds fishy to me. Does the receipt say there’s a limit on returns for each day? Usually it’s pretty black and white, can return for change of mind in X days from purchase.
What if they just came back the next day and did the return then?
Pretty sure I’d argue myself blue if I was denied a return because I wasn’t early enough. Part of me wonders if it’s self imposed KPI to make her store look better. The lady wanting the return had purchased online and the online store does not offer free returns, you have to pay postage.
It’s not ethical or nice, but sadly not illegal. Like you said, only illegal if it’s faulty. Legal to deny a “change of mind refund” within reason.
Even my local Woolies has changed their refund policy to be store credit instead of a refund of money.
I totally get places doing store credit instead of $$ for change of mind returns, people definitely try and take advantage, but not being able to return something because you weren’t there early enough really bothers me. Totally not the shopkeepers fault and I made it clear I wasn’t questioning her, but the company policy.
I need something to go with all the soup, so I made a tray of cheesymite scrolls.
Yum!
