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return2ozma@lemmy.world to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 9 hours ago

Top US Fema official claims to have teleported to a Waffle House before

www.theguardian.com

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  • slop@hexbear.net
  • usa@midwest.social
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Top US Fema official claims to have teleported to a Waffle House before

www.theguardian.com

return2ozma@lemmy.world to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 9 hours ago
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  • cross-posted to:
  • news@lemmy.world
  • slop@hexbear.net
  • usa@midwest.social
  • usnews@beehaw.org
‘Teleporting is no fun,’ Gregg Phillips, picked to lead Fema’s office of response and recovery, has said on a podcast
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  • Big Baby Thor@sopuli.xyz
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    5 hours ago

    I bet he’s gonna teleport away some funds.

  • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Yes, Gregg, we all know what blacking out is like.

    I know some people that can help you with this.

    https://smartrecovery.org/

  • voidsignal@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    How can you pack so many high level idiots in a single country? truly a feat.

    • garth@sh.itjust.works
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      7 hours ago

      Well you see, half the voters decided it would be a good idea to elect total outsiders with no relevant education or experience, whose only qualification was a willingness to say crazy shit out loud. The unqualified outsider-in-chief has now packed high-level offices with his favorite TV and podcast personalities, who also have no relevant education or experience but have made a living saying crazy shit out loud.

    • Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works
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      8 hours ago

      It’s easy when you kick out all the smart ones, or render their fields of study obsolete by ceasing to pay for their research, forcing them overseas.

  • TheBannedLemming@lemmy.world
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    6 hours ago

    Anyone who was a party animal worth their reputation during their early twenties eventually ends up past midnight at a greasy spoon. Chowing down on comfort food trying to sober up and keep the contents of their stomach down. With them waking up in the morning hungover and little to no memory about what transpired over the course of the last twelve hours, give or take.

  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    6 hours ago

    I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House

    this was in Georgia

    Being in Georgia, I mean.

  • niptuckmyballs@lemmychan.org
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    5 hours ago

    I find Ambien gives me the same abilities he’s describing.

    Unfortunately the effects are only temporary.

    I haven’t figured out how to teleport without Ambien, yet.

  • teyrnon@sh.itjust.works
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    8 hours ago

    Nothing is too stupid for 2026!

  • balthazarsnakewizard@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Where does that land on the Waffle House Index?

    • Bahnd Rollard@lemmy.world
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      4 hours ago

      A code red on the waffle house index would imply the resturant is gone. Clearly the teleporter is still working so it cant be that bad.

    • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 hours ago

      Bout three fiddy

  • FelixCress@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    I almost feel sorry for these sane USians who have to live there during Trump reign 🤣

    • Kintarian@lemmy.world
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      8 hours ago

      There’s a reason I live in a van out in the boonies

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        6 hours ago

        Please tell me that there’s a river nearby

        • Kintarian@lemmy.world
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          6 hours ago

          Mostly the Sacramento River

          • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            6 hours ago

            Yes! I hereby declare you the second coming of Matt Foley!

            • Kintarian@lemmy.world
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              6 hours ago

              Wow, thanks, that’s quite the honor. I hope I can live up to his legacy.

      • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
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        7 hours ago

        *down by the river

    • MintyFresh@lemmy.world
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      8 hours ago

      We prefer the term- Trumpistanians. Thank you very much

    • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
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      8 hours ago

      Ugh, they probably use digital clocks, too

  • RaoulDook@lemmy.world
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    7 hours ago

    Next we’ll have the ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage running a government agency

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