I am certain that I am a lesbian, as I am attracted to women and nonbinary people that consider themselves sapphic, but regardless of expression (masc, fem, or andro). I’m not REPULSED by dating men, I’m just indifferent, though back when I identified as lesbian before, I hated the idea and thought that people being straight was being shoved down my throat as all I heard was “you just haven’t met the right guy yet” and all the girls I hung out with only liked men and talked constantly about men so I just felt alone.
Now, though, I’m just indifferent, as I said. They don’t really attract me, but I do like male characters a lot platonically and connect with them so when I find a good MLM ship between two male characters I like, I think of myself and my girlfriend.
For example, I don’t really wanna be WITH the hot heroic guy in a movie or show, but I do wanna be him and get the girl or whatever. (I’m comfortable being a girl and don’t currently fit in with other gender labels though, I am not trans FtM)
Every time I got with a dude, it felt more like I had a platonic bond I could share my interests with at best, or just a guy I could show off so I could talk with the straight and bi ladies about having a boyfriend too. I, to be honest, felt bad for them because they seemed so sweet and I would be turning them down, so I decided to give them a chance and I was convinced I “needed” a man because my straight/bi girl friends would say “I need a man!!” when they were single.
And people could never relate to me, because I’d always wanna talk about the first attractive people that came to my mind: women. They would wanna talk about handsome boys at school, guy actors and characters, hunks, gay romance, etc. but I’d always like to talk about lesbian romance, woman actresses and characters, the pretty girls at school but “too bad they’re straight”. I’d mainly find sapphic girls I had a deep connection to attractive, though I can form a crush on almost any girl I’m close with at least a little bit and I’m super romantic.
Boys, in my mind, as in guy characters, were always fun to tease, whereas lady characters always seemed like actual beautiful people I’d crush on and get into relationships with.
So yeah, I’ve concluded that I’m a lesbian. Is this a “canon event”? Can many lesbians relate??
So I’m a dude and don’t got any lady parts or identities, but what I do have, is a few stories that are hopefully helpful. First one is about one of my online gaming buddies and she’s queer, and her stance on the whole label thing “fuck it, kiss who you wanna kiss, cuddle who you wanna cuddle, and bone who you wanna bone, as long as you and your partner har informed consent.” My stance is pretty much that but personally I like to add that labels are good for identification, like if you or your partner is looking for someone with a specific label. HOWEVER I also think labels shouldn’t be a must, basically they simplify things IMO, and in your circumstance as I understand it is not simple.
TLDR for that, labels are neat, but they also don’t really matter, thing that matters is knowing who you wanna be with and your partner is informed.
That friend also went through something similar to where she loved women, like in our group there’s was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she was at least lesbian. But she only romantically loved men, like she wanted to be with them but nothing physical. And like I said earlier, she doesn’t really like labels, thinks they’re needlessly complex and so do I to an extent. But point of this is just be with someone who make you happy. If that’s women, yay, if it’s men, yay, if it’s getting handsy with women but nothing physical with men, yay.
But on that note for my final stories. Make sure your partner’s in the loop and knows, informed consent and all that. But I had two friends who were question being gay, the good ending was one told his (male) partner first date he’s questioning being gay and not sure and all that. Fast forward they’re coming up on their two year anniversary of being married. Another told his GF that of a few months that he think he might be Bisexual and so turns out she was super homophobic. And during his retelling we could tell there was some serious questioning, he didn’t know one way or the other but what he did do is dodge a bullet by not being in a relationship that would’ve not loved him for who he was
Basically super tldr for this whole essay. Take time to question, labels don’t matter unless their helpful to you, and if your dating be honest with your partner about your preferences
One final point also set boundaries, that goes for ANY relationship. Like my ex definitely respected my boundaries of not wanting to do anything super physical (like sex) and as terrible as that relationship was that was definitely one of the good things
I had an organized idea at first but this turned into a long disorganized story time ramble so hopefully at least some of it’s helpful
Sounds like your bi and homoromantic. Source am bi and heteroromantic. Labels are dumb though.
Oooo thanks!!!
Sorry, no estrogen here. But I would say you don’t need to label yourself, regardless.
Can’t you just like who you like? What does it matter what anyone calls you?
Fair enough
Sexuality is a spectrum and a wide one at that. Comp het can mess with you quite a bit and it’s okay to have shifting feelings on these things as you go through life.
I’m bisexual but even I go through periods where I may be more attracted to sapphic people and it can ebb and flow depending on what’s happening my life, my libido, who I’m crushing on, etc. Some days I relate more with men, some days I relate more with women.
Find the label that you’re most comfortable with and go on with your bad self :)
