One of the most influential books in my life is Nonviolent Communication. I’d like to summarize why its concepts are so powerful to me.

At the core of it is a beautiful understanding of the human spirit and condition–and a reassuring observation that we as human beings are very similar on the inside, even if culturally or historically unique in our traumas.

Rosenberg identifies that our cross-cultural, shared humanity is linked through feelings. These basic feelings are universal and can be understood universally–feelings like embarrassment, joy, fear, anger, etc. He emphasizes that he is talking about the most basic of feelings, not the higher level judgment-laden feelings that may be difficult to hear or understand (“I feel like you lied to me” is not a basic feeling, but something like “I feel angry” probably is).

He also identifies that feelings arise when we have unmet needs. There are shared human needs–he offers many examples, such as the need for security, the need for stability, the need for dignity, etc. These shared human needs can also act as a kind of “translation map” to understand people different from ourselves.

This is the essence of nonviolent communication: If we are willing, we can offer to describe the reality of our feelings to others–and the needs we perceive–and others will often (but not always) respond by trying to fulfill our needs.

The practice of communicating nonviolently allows us to exist with dignity in the world and respond to each others needs. This offers an alternative to coercion & violence, and their cumulative ill effects on individuals and society at large.