My cat is nearly 4 years old and I’ve had him for over 3 years. His background is unknown as my dad didn’t ask many questions when picking him up from previous owners. However, his collar was tight and ratty, he had no vaccinations, was not neutered and he was very anxious - which indicates neglect. He has made some improvements since then, as he is not as jumpy and even comes out when people visit. He used to hate my dad but now is okay with him. I am his favourite and he’s okay with my mum.

We all love him very much but I struggle to connect. It’s not how I imagined having a cat. He loves me and likes to be near me but he’s not affectionate. He only tolerates a small amount of pets and does not like to be held. Getting him to the vet/groomers is traumatic, as it involves handling. He’s not violent but I get scratched when he’s trying to get away. He has so many toys but doesn’t play with them. The only thing that gets him going is if I move a piece of string around like a snake but after two minutes he walks away. He’s never responded much to play. I can’t teach him tricks, he’s just not interested, even with treats. He’s embarrassed for me when I try out the laser toy and just stares with disdain lol.

He’s an inside cat and just sleeps all day. He looks bored and miserable but I don’t know if I’m just projecting. He’s never been good with eating his food, no matter what I try and I feel that he’s malnourished. I took him to the vets and the blood test came back clear apart from dehydration but he looks TERRIBLE. Shaggy hair, dandruff and he over grooms/rips out hair. I had to postpone the groomers because he had an awful time at the vet and he became anxious. I’m in a constant state of anxiety myself because I’m failing him. I suffer from depression, anxiety and both parents are very ill. It’s a very stressful time in my household. I worry that he has internalised that.

I get so jealous when I see cats online who actually play with their owners and let them hold them. I feel like I’m the one who feeds, cleans and looks after him but we don’t have a relationship. He clearly likes me as he follows me around but we can’t seem to agree on a way to interact with one another. I never want to lose him and I will be heartbroken when he dies but right now I’m not getting any joy. It feels like a chore and I feel terrible for feeling that way.