This is the second time I’ve typed this all out so I’m sorry if this is messy and out of order.

I have a beautiful cat named Maggie who will be turning 8 this summer. I’ve had her since she was two months old, and I consider her my daughter. She’s sweet, funny, snuggly, playful, and a true joy. My problem is that she doesn’t use the litter box.

When she was a kitten I was living with my cousin. He tried to toilet train her before she was big enough and to discourage her from the litter box he would chase her around screaming. The vet has diagnosed her with PTSD. It started with her not using the litter box to poop. After I had some mental health concerns in 2021 she started to pee on me. Since then, she hasn’t used the litter box by herself and correctly except maybe once or twice a month. If I’m lucky.

I have taken her to the vet, we’ve tried Prozac. She won’t take a pill and when I do try, she retaliates and the peeing just gets worse. Over the years I’ve tried all of the different kinds of litter boxes. Materials, shapes, open, covered, all of them. I’ve tried dozens and dozens of different litters. Clumping, non clumping, clay, corn, wood pellets, ones that have that cat attract stuff, pretty litter, newspaper, no litter, everything I can possibly think of. Her consistent favorite tends to be the lavender scented World’s Best brand clumping litter with a high sided but open litter box.

I’ve used calming collars and feliway plugs. I’ve given her CBD. I’ve tried positive encouragement. I’ve put water proof mattress protectors on my bed, a waterproof blanket on my living room furniture, and a pee-proof rug on my living room floor. I’ve had her be an only cat, and I lived with my parents for a while with their cats. She much prefers to be an only cat. She met my husband and approved of him, and she loves him. I wouldn’t have married him if she didn’t.

I’m hitting my breaking point. I can’t take living in this mess anymore. I can’t take the uncertainty of if I hold her will she pee on me, or will she hang out with me and snuggle? Just tonight she peed on me when I got home from work.

We have a very large cage for when my husband and I are at work or out of town. It has multiple shelves, a litter box, food, water, and is next to a window so she can look outside. If we’re done for more than 24 hours my mom comes to check on her and let her out to run around and stretch and play for a bit. We have a camera on her so we can check on her, too.

My husband and I want to have kids. I’ve always dreamed of being a mom. I know cat pee is toxic to pregnant women and I feel like I’m never escaping it. If I managed to get through a pregnancy without getting sick or causing harm to the baby, I would never feel safe letting a child crawl around on the floors or be in their crib with Maggie around. If she’s here, children are out of the question. I’m almost 30, so I’m running out of time and I can’t wait until she passes from old age.

I can’t surrender her either. I know she’s not adoptable because of these problems. Giving her up would be a death sentence to her, and I can’t kill her because she can’t pee or poop in the right spots. She doesn’t deserve that. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. My vets can’t think of anything, a pet psychic I went to doesn’t have any more ideas, and I am at a loss.

Does anybody have any ideas? Literally anything? Is there some kind of an injectable anti-anxiety or anti-depressant I can give her? Is there something I haven’t tried? I’ve spent easily $6-7,000 on this over the course of her life. I can’t afford much more but I will do my absolute best I can by her. I also can’t wait much longer for this to resolve.

Please, I need help or advice or a god damn miracle.