This is the first time I’ve heard the girl version of pee is stored in the balls

Amazing

Bags of sand

Modern ‘repro’ made in brass (Its … more ‘Holy Roman Empire’ than ‘Roman Empire’, but w/e):

So the back piece has shoulders that go over top the shoulders of the of the front piece, and then the two pieces are bound together with basically leather belts/straps under the armpits, that draw the pieces together.

Would likely require an assistant/servant/slave to help you put on.

If you could somehow be squished inside of a single, continuous, cuirass… well, ever seen the Batman movie where the neck is part of the whole suit?

Can’t turn your head, have to turn your whole body.

So… with a similar cuirass… you can’t really twist or bend at the waist. Not very helpful in combat. Or really just while trying to breathe.

Actual rank and file ancient Romans likely wore a subarmalis, a kind of underarmor-like layer of thick linen, and then you’d put the lorica segmentata (strip armor) or lorica hamata (chain mail armor) over top of it.

Cermonial / ornate armor with anatomical confornity/enhancement very much was a real thing, but it was… not super duper widespread, as it was… extremely expensive and not very practical.

https://www.res-bellica.com/en/the-roman-anatomical-cuirass-history-myth-and-symbol-of-imperial-power/

We do actually have some extant ‘lorica musculata’ (a modern, apocryphal term):

This last one is clearly more Greek than Roman, but yeah, these did actually exist, though most of them only currently ‘exist’ in the form of statues of major figures wearing them.

The chest pieces would often incorperate elements of both anatomy and also mythical figures, as a symbolical and personal piece of art and prestige.