Already posted about Bella last week, but I wanted to tell the story around it.

I had to say goodbye to my sweet Bella last Monday. I posted about it on Reddit that evening. In late November last year, I found a few small lumps. The vet thought they were sebaceous cysts. Otherwise a healthy kitten, just a little overweight. I was relieved.

A few weeks ago, I found even more lumps. Every day, more were appearing. The end result: a very aggressive, rare form of cancer in cats.

It all happened so fast. The Wednesday before I had her put to sleep, I couldn’t do it. A few days later, I let her go. Her final minutes were hectic.

When she received her first injection attempt (anesthesia), she reacted aggressively, threateningly, and hissing. I don’t know if she lashed out, but a colleague was called over to help with the injection. They thought she might bite. During the next attempt, she reacted the same way and jumped off the table. After that, she hid in a corner where we couldn’t reach her. I wheeled the furniture away and picked her up and had to put her in her basket (on the table). She was soon in a deep sleep and collapsed on her front paws. I thought the injection hadn’t been completed yet. I wish I had held her, but I stood there emotionally shaken. I wish she had passed away peacefully. I have to find comfort in the fact that it was an instinctive reflex and not directed at me, but her last minutes were hectic.

I still have her little bed lying next to me where she always lay. I still put her blanket on top of me and hope to feel her close to me.

But she is gone. I know the feeling will fade, but I will always miss her, just as I miss her brother.

I have already posted this story on a foreign-language Reddit sub, but I miss her so much and others just don’t understand.