I don’t even know why I’m posting this. Maybe to feel like God will read this.

I’m an international student. I came to the US in 2022, right after finishing my bachelor’s in my home country, and completed my master’s in CS here. I had very big dreams and was proud of myself at every stage of my life.

Now, to be honest, I feel like I’ve been fighting a losing battle for the past 3 years.

During my master’s, I didn’t get any internships or co-ops. It’s on me; I didn’t have proper guidance, and I also didn’t take things as seriously as I should have at that time. I thought things would somehow work out later.

After graduating, I spent a whole year just applying and didn’t get a single call. Then I reworked my resume, added some experience, and started getting a few interviews in my second year. I’ve probably sent 5,000+ applications in total for 2 years and only got around 8–10 interviews.

Some were with really good companies, even a few big names. I made it to the final rounds a couple of times but didn’t get selected. A lot of recruiters also told me in the initial recruiter call that they couldn’t move forward because of visa sponsorship.

Now in 2026, I am just… tired. Completely exhausted.

I don’t feel like applying anymore. I don’t feel like studying anymore. I just sit in my room all day. I live with relatives to save some money on rent. They go to work in the morning and come back at night, so most days I don’t talk to anyone.

I slowly stopped talking to friends.  They don’t call me anymore, and I don’t call them. I am not in a relationship with anyone, and at this point, I just don’t feel like being in one.

Same with my parents sometimes… even though they’re very supportive and have done so much for me. I just don’t feel like talking to them or explaining how I feel.

I also have an education loan, and I really wanted to handle it on my own. But my parents are still supporting me at my age, and that makes me feel even worse.

A few of my friends got the job, and a few of them went back to their home country after not finding the job. I probably will be going back in a few months, too.

But a part of me still wants to keep trying till the end.

I’m not blaming anyone, not the market, not recruiters, not even myself. I know I made mistakes a lot of times, and I know the situation is tough overall.

I think I’m just burned out… and tired of everything.