A Director with whom I used to work with in my previous company reached out to me this month related to a job opportunity. We know each other well and opportunity had great pros like exposure to implementation projects, work life balance and good management since I would be working under him.

My interviews went well and then the negotiation process began. I had stated my expectations in the beginning with HR1 and it seemed okay at that time. However the actual offer came in quite low. I was disheartened but remained firm on my minimum.

Next day came another call from HR1 and we discussed that my expectations were possible to look upon and she will come back on this. I was happy. Everything was going great. Then HR2 called 30 mins later that sorry, the earlier discussion with HR1 wouldn’t hold. We can only offer the initial amount we offered. That’s the max we can offer. If you have a counter offer, we can consider. But I didn’t have one at hand because I wasn’t actually interviewing.

I dropped a message to my hiring Director about this. I had hoped if they could just increase 2L more, I will happily accept that too. But a few days later, he confirmed the same thing. That was the highest they could offer. But there would be great learning and long term growth. After much back and forth, I politely declined the offer.

Then later in the evening, I had a discussion with my friend working in a Big4 and explained everything to her. She was of the opinion that considering the market conditions now, it was a good offer. They were offering 46% hike on fixed. It’s difficult to get even that much in other companies now. Market is bad.

Now I am feeling miserable…the job opportunity had everything. Lots of pros. But the stressful negotiations, mixed signals from HRs, highs and lows just made me blind to decide properly I guess. The HR process certainly had gaps I didn’t appreciate but I wonder how much importance I should have given it compared to all the pros. I don’t know when I will secure another offer.

Now though I have started applying for openings, I am having this nauseous feeling that nothing will work out. I was stupid and probably egoistic to reject the offer. I reflected a lot and just wanted a space where I could express my feelings. It’s been feeling too heavy and burden some…