I didn’t sleep too good last night, the reason being, I had a drink yesterday. Technically two $2.33 things of Fireball, but this is a rare thing now, having just crossed over the “confronting my negligent, narcissistic father” module of whatever CIA horseshit I’m in. That was about a month ago, and I find myself infinitely better off having disentangled myself from these aspects of a daemon in me constantly running in the background of my mind, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say.

I had to come up with an apology one awful day for not spending time with him while his one ex-wife was at a darts tournament, but he has never apologized for destroying everything my mother ever made me and strategically not hitting me, just throwing me about and shaking/thrashing me, often with my head being bashed into something, not to mention being the type of father that got kicked out of the whole Lakeland park system for screaming obscenities at us kids.

He was our coach! Bah, it would have been impossible to vocalize this authentically WITHOUT being triggered by myself in the process if it wasn’t for the work I did. I used to love video games. They defined my life. Now I wake up tired, and because I’m tired I’m in a pseudoshitty mood because I want to work and the best use of my time with my brain in this state is to make a mediocre post on Lemmy World that might help someone going through similar shit I have.

Which leads me to talking about how, while technology is rapidly transforming the world and culture, there is no problem so unique that someone hasn’t found a working solution before. So, at the very least, even if you get nothing from my words, having your own particular trials in life, know that there are words out there and there are people like me who put out as many words as they can in whatever format to try to reach others who can benefit from this messiah ish.

Cuz I know the hell of being in the desert; being a pariah by your own doing to have no one and be nowhere. It sucks, and I am compelled to help others being aware of the kind of suffering that exists and I can help specifically with having healed myself of so much. And here I must say that what helped me quite a lot, like quite a lot a lot, is taking up the mantle of trying to teach what I have learned and know.

Because this Shakespeare ish I quip up with my thumb at a moment’s notice did not just happen. I did not flick a switch; I flicked countless switches, on and off, over years, which allowed me to entangle myself with beneficial insights of my own Knowledge. Each time I manually type out one of these posts or a poem, I’m conditioning myself to communicate better, making neural connections that correlate with effective ways of saying things in an illuminating way.

To explain this, I added this picture. This is empathy in practice. Empathy is a skill and it is your ability to simulate another person’s perspective. In communication, there are three components: the transmitter, the receiver(s), and the transmission. For “telepathy” to happen, meaning a full conveyance of ideas in the forms language/communication take, you need to align yourself with the other person(s)’ framework to scaffold that information in a meaningful way.

And in doing so, you stretch yourself to learn more about what you already do, gaining more tools for your pedagogical toolbox to better help other people (and yourself!) when the need arises. And you never know when that will be, so keep your lanterns trimmed, to mean be mindful and compassionate, so even when you can’t perform at your A-game and you have loads of trauma related to performing, you can just shrug, having made those connections to thus be unentangled from those maladaptations keeping you from being your highest self.