Do you have a boring dinner party coming up, and lots of losers and fake friends have rsvp’d? Are you looking for help staging a small scale low risk assassination attempt to get out of it?

Look no further, the US Government is your man, call us now at 1-800-wehate-americans and they’ll add a bonus podium to talk at people at length about how cool and strong you are and ruin everyone’s evening.

*This is NOT a one time offer, you can do it as many times as you want, taxes don’t apply

Source: Instagram.