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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway482379 on 2023-07-18 14:20:30.

A while back my wife and I got divorced (pretty amicably). Instead of selling our family home and splitting the money, I suggested that I take a loan using the house as collateral, and buy myself another place. That way she could continue to live there and our kids would inherit it eventually. She was reluctant but eventually I convinced her. She’s always been like that, her reluctance to take any chances has held me back many times. Anyway this was a good plan, and it worked for a while.

Eventually, however, I ran into money trouble. Everything was more expensive than I thought, the fixer-upper I bought needed a lot of renovation and I got deeper in debt. I kept paying the bank, just not every month, sometimes less than the full amount due for the month etc. Eventually the bank foreclosed and the house was sold to repay the debt. It was a shock to everyone. The bank had sent some threatening letters but as I was still paying I didn’t think they’d go that far.

Anyway, my ex moved in with our youngest son, she is doing fine and is not in any way homeless. But she keeps complaining about losing the house and my kids have gone LC with me. They all go out of their way to help their mom, while I only get scraps every now and then, even though I also needed help sometimes since then. I know I made a mistake but it’s not like I planned it like this. I lost a lot too, and even though I have the house that I bought back then, it’s nothing fancy, and it’s expensive to maintain. Besudes, my ex got to live alone in the house for a couple of years rent free.

Last time we met I told my kids they should show more gratitude for my part in raising them, and they should think that they have 2 parents, not just one. They’re all doing pretty well financially. They said I’m an AH for demanding anything of them after what I did to their mom. They say I should give her some money every month to compensate for some of the loss. While I do earn more than her, I have expenses too. And it’s not like she needs it, really, she’s living rent-free and our son is pretty well-off, so he won’t be kicking her out.

I admit that my plan didn’t work out, and it caused her some loss, but am I really such an AH for expecting my kids to help me too, like they help my ex?