I read the article again, and still, I cannot shake the feeling of narcissism. It’s framed in a very particular way that I cannot overlook. It is, ultimately, an appeal to indulge in personal gratification regardless of the harms it causes others, waving away the obligation to be ethical with the proviso that the cheater was already hurting themselves, from either a passionless relationship and ‘oppression’ of conforming to societal expectations of… Not cheating, I guess.

There is, at least in my opinion, a very clear ethical difference in cheating because your spouse is abusive, or controlling, or otherwise manipulative, I.e, a bad person. But this article does not make that case, it is saying simply because cheating undermines social norms which the cheater finds oppressive, we should not look down upon them for the actions they choose to take, no matter the harm they cause to others.

If the author had made any sort of ethical qualification for cheating, I would not get that narcissitic feeling. Instead, they equate any closed relationship as somehow equal in oppression to what migrant workers and violently abused spouses endure, which is frankly disgusting.

There’s nothing wrong with open relationships, but cheating on an existing partner that wouldn’t be down for that and justifying it by saying “I’m beating the oppression of social norms! My needs of passion trump any (easily) preventable harm I may cause!” Blech, that just screams narcissism, there’s no other way to describe it, in my mind.