I’ve been posting about my breakup for the past month i feel pathetic… Basically i was in a long-distance relationship for a year. Initially everything felt beautiful. He made promises about our future talked about marriage and made me feel loved. But gradually, things started changing. There was a constant pattern of highs and lows, poor communication, arguments and emotional distance. I kept trying to fix things understand him and make the relationship work. Yk, I sensed something was wrong from the fourth month, but i kept hoping i could change him. His little efforts updates and attempts to change made me believe he genuinely loved me but the same cycle kept repeating: space, communication issues emotional distance repeated breakup threats… and me feeling like I was asking for too much.

after every fight, he’d shut down while i’d cry, and he’d just go to sleep. the next day, he’d come back normal nd i’d think everything was okay. after every breakup, i was always the one begging to fix things. in the end he said he couldn’t feel love every day and that i was too much for him.

Eventually i became anxious nd dependent on reassurance. I went from being a secure person to someone who constantly worried about losing him. I kept questioning myself wondering what i was doing wrong and trying harder to get the same love i was giving…I used to cry every day under the shower on the balcony nd sometimes at night in front of the mirror asking myself is this what love is supposed to feel like? Is this love really meant for me …Don’t i deserve the same love that i m giving him…

Then I discovered that he was emotionally cheating on me through a dating app. He had been talking to other women while telling me he loved me. When i confronted him he discarded me almost immediately nd dumped me without any closure…Eventually, he said we were incompatible that life isn’t a movie, and we should part ways, although he still had feelings for me. He even said i was welcome as a friend anytime. Ngl i fell for his words, nature and the care he showed initially.

After the breakup i started learning about avoidant attachment, and somehow that made things even harder. I began feeling sorry for him, wondering whether he was struggling internally whether he had unresolved issues or whetheri could have helped him overcome his pain if i had understood all this earlier.

Today marks 64 days of no contact. Yet i still have this overwhelming urge to break it, go back to him and help him again. A part of me knows how badly he hurt me and that going back wouldn’t change his choices. But another part of me still feels responsible for him.

I cry for him almost every day. Sometimes i feel completely useless as if i have lost myself in the process of loving someone. I keep thinking, what if I had watched these videos earlier? What if i had understood avoidant attachment sooner? Could I have helped him? Could things have turned out differently?

I know he cheated i know he discarded me nd i know i deserve better. But knowing all of that hasn’t magically made me stop loving him.

I genuinely want to move on, but i m struggling badly. I don’t know how to stop feeling sorry for someone who hurt me so much. I just want to get my old self back…

Now i wanna break no contact…advice needed…The thought of him being with another girl hurts my heart so much. I don’t understand why i m still struggling to move on when he seems to have moved on so easily. Why am i unable to let go of someone who could let go of me…