Most of us tend to be top-heavy rather than bottom-heavy, so look for nice outfits that create curvature to counter that. For example dresses with sashes, coats that widen at the bottom, corsetry, etc. you generally want to avoid anything that straightens your silhouette. The aim is to give the illusion of fuller hips and a narrower waist.

But also remind yourself that most women (cis or trans) are not the pristine, soft-spoken, glammed up doll-like beauties the media likes to pretend we are! Women can be loud, women can be butch, women can be muscular (👀 be still my gay heart). Try not to be too hard on yourself.

(I’ve been trans for 10 years, ask me about anything!)

Lately, it’s been keeping my daily skincare routine and perfecting my haircare routine. Having soft, smooth hair is my favorite and is worth the effort. I’ve also been experimenting a lot of with outfits and styles that I normally shy away from, as well as embracing my own femininity in a much more confident, less shy way than I’m used to. You can tell that people treat you noticeably differently when you’re overtly feminine, and I normally don’t pass, but I feel like I have been more often since making these changes.

With skincare to actually get started I just picked out a day and night moisturizer that had decent reviews and wasn’t too heavy as my skin is more oily than dry normally, as well as Neutrogena’s ultra gentle face cleanser. I’ve since added a brightening serum that I use every day and have been eyeing an eye serum specifically to help with my dark eye bags.

Every morning, I cleanse off all my night product, and then apply my brightening serum and then my day time moisturizer that’s spf15. Then, at night, I cleanse off my daytime product before bed, getting all the dirt and oils off my face. Then I apply my brightening serum again and apply my night time moisturizer.

Improving my hair care routine came down to getting satin pillowcases cause they’re pretty cheap if you can find a local store that has them, and my hair is bad for tangling overnight. I also got a bond protector that has significantly reduced the damage I get when blow drying my hair, which I do every time I wash it. I also have a tub of coconut oil based hair product that I use a little bit of on the day after i wash it. My hair has grown a lot since I started doing that.

Every time I wash it I use my Tresemmé keratin smooth shampoo to get the coconut oil and other oils out of my hair. Then I use the keratin smooth conditioner and really work it into my roots before spreading it over my full length hair. It’s important to run your fingers in between the strands to make sure the conditioner gets the root area, at least it is for me as my roots get dry. I leave it in for a couple minutes while I finish up showering and then rinse it out. Once I’m out, I gently dry my hair with a massive old band t-shirt from my pre-transition era, and then apply a conservative amount of Olaplex No. 9 bond protector working it from my ends all the way up to my roots. Then I blow dry it first on low heat then on high heat, and get it brushed out and parted with my point comb.

With hair and skin care, experimentation is important to getting things exactly as you like them. Drug stores these days carry a range of products, both cheap and expensive, I started with cheap ones while I sorted out what my skin needs. A tip that’s helped me a lot is getting a small bottle of Clean and Clear 5% benzoyl peroxide acne treatment. If I see any white heads starting on my face during my morning or evening routine, I apply some of that after putting on my moisturizer. Makes a huge difference in preventing acne from fully developing, at least for me anyway. I only apply it once a day until it’s mostly gone and then stop, as it does dry out my skin a fair bit.

Edit: Added some actual tips, lol

If you have curly hair, follow the curly girl method!!! My hair went from a mess to being my most feminine features that makes others jealous.

For hair removal, I proselytize for sugar wax. You never see ads for it or beauty influencers talk about it because it won’t make anyone any money; can make it and do it yourself for super cheap. It’s basically a mix of melted sugar and lemon juice that’s cooked into a sticky viscous candy you can use to rip your body hair out. Initial set up costs are under $50 (for a wax warmer, spatulas and reusable cotton muslin strips) and maybe a dollar per session in materials afterwards, if that. All it costs is time. You can use it just like a traditional depilatory wax, but because it’s made of sugar it’s water soluble and relatively easy to clean up. It’s also gentle enough that it’s fine to go over the same spot again if you miss some hairs. After several years of waxing every three months or so my hair finally thinned out to where I’m not so self conscious of showing unshaven legs sometimes. I’m cis but I’m hairy so I’ve experimented with a lot of hair removal methods. Sugar wax is an amazing value for its results, and the best solution for broke ass ladies like myself to thin the fur.

Get your eyebrows shaped! They change the framing of your face so much and nobody ever talks about it.

transfem tips 🥺 🥺 🥺

I struggled a bit with injections but found that if I cough while stabbing I don’t really notice the pain.

The pain isn’t really a big deal but knowing I have a trick around the pain helps to make it all less of a big thing to do that day

Sorry but I’m gonna focus on the bigger stuff:

Learn to listen to yourself, especially during the social transition. People whom you respect will try to convince you otherwise and the more you listen to them the longer you’ll remain dead.

And also that we as a people with a shared experience provide a lot of value for society due to our hard earned experience. Sometimes I feel there’s this silly debate going on, as if there’s some kind of problem. But truthfully we can show everyone what self acceptance looks like, and that’s important for everyone.

Fetish fashion stores are a good place to start with trying on female clothing. It’s an accepting atmosphere and the employees are likely to support and help you with love. Wearing something sexy is incredibly empowering as a woman.

Hopefully you can then work up the guts to visit a makeup store and ask for advice. More expensive stores like Chanel will be more private and professional and have someone attend to you personally. You can take a friend with you. And be prepared to put down good money for some basics. But it’s worth it. Get some close to natural looking eye shadow, mascara and lip stick, so you don’t have to be so precise at first. Use day light and check out a few YouTube videos. The first few times you’ll put more mascara on your nose and in your eyeballs than on your lashes.

Get your ears pierced at a proper piercing studio or jeweler that has piercing equipment. Can’t go wrong there!

Get a large long mirror. Try different ways of walking in front of it.

Also at least for me the first medical step was hair removal. And from the hair lady I heard it’s quite typical to start there, often without a diagnosis. At least where I live you don’t need a diagnosis to get healthcare coverage. Like sure the whole process without blockers takes like 30 sessions, but even just a single session will feel so much better because shaving is easier and faster. So if you’re poor and have no coverage it might still be worth the 100 euro for one session. Also for the pain I recommend praying in Latin.

Some smaller stuff: Use micellair water with those pads to clean your face twice a day. In the morning always put on spf facial cream after to keep it moisturized and protect from the sun. Always. And you can get another cream for at night. That way your skin will be clearer and it’s important for makeup, because without it it’ll be bumpy for some reason.

Get some fancy hair products. For example at a good hair salon. Especially if you have curly hair. Say it costs you 100 euro, ja it’s expensive but it’ll last you a year so basically you’re paying like 8 euro a month for nice hair. Look up the curly girl method. Only wash it when it’s genuinely dirty or if it doesn’t listen to you any more, so once a week or less.

So, uh… I’m a cis guy, but I kinda wonder if maybe you girls have any tips that could make my face look less fat when I go clean shaven. I think I look fine with my beard; without it, my face looks so much fatter than with the beard. I wanna look more feminine, but just in the face.

: Shea butter, cat meows and purrs, good tweezers. Good mantras, “you are a strong woman.” Acceptance therapy. Panty liners. Good underwear. Remember who you are and what you’re working towards. PMS effects trans people too.