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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/toastandcrumb on 2023-08-01 04:53:23.

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To make a novel short, my (F,27) brother (M,30) met his future wife (F, 28 - Ella) at a party three years ago. Honestly, we never got along but I always tried to put up a peaceful front because my brother seemed blissfully happy with her.

Ella was mean to me a lot. Like A LOT. She would make comments about my weight, my makeup, and especially my dog. She hated animals and hated that I would bring my lab, Toast, to my parents or my brothers house. It always just felt like something aimed to hurt me.

When the two got engaged she asked me to be her MOH since she has no sisters or many girl-friends and since my brother seemed thrilled, I obliged.

What I failed to realize when I accepted the role was that to her MOH meant planning the entire wedding. Like I was booking venues, florists, jazz band, everything. Even worse she expected me to put my MY credit card down for all of it. (My brother and her are not exactly well off and since I have a well paying job I didn’t mind holding the deposits but it was starting to add up to a lot.) Everytime I asked Ella about it, she would say that it would all be paid back by her parents before the wedding.

Well flash forward to last week, about three weeks before the wedding and she’s unbearable to be around. She can’t last more than a few sentences before snapping at anyone. So when I of course brought up the money, shit hit the fan.

I asked if she had received the updated receipt of everything owed when she exploded. She called me a whole line of terrible names but the one that stuck out was her saying “What do you need the money for anyway? Your sick dog is dead now.”

My beautiful Toasty died about a month before this after he fought the bravest battle with cancer. He was my soul dog and I was devastated.

I blinked at her and simply left the room, having no energy to even respond to something so cruel. I went back to my car and after the 20 silent minute drive home, I parked the car and immediately called the vendors and cancelled any deposit under my card. Every. Single. One. After almost 20 calls, all that was left of her wedding was the dress and the flower arch.

I texted my brother a short explanation. I told him that every vendor would be contacting him if they wished to keep their services and they were now responsible for covering everything. And that I would no longer be attending. It was a matter of minutes before my phone started to explode and I just turned it off.

It’s been a few days and I haven’t talked to anyone but my mom, who thankfully understands where I was coming from. My brother has tried to call but I just feel terrible. Both about what I did and about what she said.

I know what I did was extreme but I also couldn’t sit by and practically enable her cruelty anymore. I still can’t help but feel bad for ruining my brother’s big day. So I don’t know, am I the asshole for this?