Lately I have been listening to the album “The Blessed Unrest” by Sara Bareilles.
From “I Choose You” being the song my wife and I chose to walk down the aisle to (before my egg cracked) to that same beautiful woman playing “Brave” for me - giving me strength to come out as trans to family. This album has become a staple in my transition and it’s easy to see my self throughout it’s lyrics and melodies.
“Hercules” is also a good song about pleading for inner strength - which for me, means becoming my authentic self as Olivia. Here is a verse from that song that resonates with me:
I’ve lost a grip on where I started from I wish I’d thought ahead and left a few crumbs I’m on the hunt for who I’ve not yet become But I’d settle for little equilibrium There is a war inside my heart gone silent Both sides dissatisfied and somewhat violent The issue I have now begun to see I am the only lonely casualty
“Strawberry Fields Forever” by the Beatles was a huge one for me.
Living is easy with eyes closed, Misunderstanding all you see,
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, It doesn’t matter much to me
It gets on those feelings of being so heavily depressed and consumed by dysphoria but having no idea what you’re going through but knowing something is wrong but also not giving a shit about anything.
“Look At Me” by John Lennon always calms me down when I feel overly insecure or lost. I always want answers on what exactly I’m supposed to do. Am I really 100% trans? When do I transition? What if I mess up and get something wrong? How do I be a man “correctly”? There’s never an answer to any of the questions asked, he’s just singing into the void. You’ve gotta find your own answers, there’s no objective, universal solution to anything. It’s all trial and error and feeling your way through blindly.
Look at me, Look at me,
What am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be?
Here I am,
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
Finally, “The Tourist” by Radiohead just resonates with me. It’s so good and makes me feel alive.
It barks at no one else but me, Like it’s just seen a ghost
Hey, man, slow down, slow down, Idiot, slow down, slow down
Artist: PWR BTTM had a big impact on me when I was going through the motions of things, but after their fall from grace a lot of the songs have a bit of a more bittersweet feeling for me. I’ll still probably have their song New Hampshire play at my funeral.
Albums: The album Gloria by Sam Smith has been a pretty positive track to play while driving and features Kim Petra’s.
Boyfriend dungeon Soundtrack. This was a great game with a really positive story and some even had dialogue that was unique to when you make a non-binary character. The lyrics are definitely more of a celebration of polyamory, but I get a trans supporting vibe from the association with the game.
Tracks: Bark Like a God by Sloppy Jane. This is comfortable for me when I am just pissed at the pressures society puts on me.
Pony by Slothrust. A femme voice covering a R&B song by a male artist is what I am all for.
Body Image by TWRP. A bop that is all about treating yourself with kindness and respect.
A whole lot of midwest emo.
MCP - Portrait of a Woman on a Couch With Cats
There’s a whole lot more, but by far the biggest one I vibe with in context of my transition is this:
Oh, you are calling to my inner teenage emo chick. Nice selection!
“Dig up her bones” by The Misfits I felt that pretty hard since I had to completly mask myself since 5th grade
“I don’t care” by Fallout boy Everytime I have self doubt I listen to this to feel better, especially since I already gave my chosen name my cat and everyone was saying I can’t name myself that because I already named her like that. She literally jumped on my lap during the line “say my name and let go”
“My Medicine” by The Pretty Reckless “Somebody mixed my Medicine” is something I feel because I got perscriped anti depressants instead of HRT
For me probably Elton John’s Greatest Hits album and Taylor Swift’s 1984 album. Elton John b/c I was finally able to accept my sexuality and indulged in gay/queer media. (I was really putting on the straight guy act real hard) Taylor Swift b/c it was the first time I really allowed myself to enjoy pop music from a female artist. As I progressed in my transition I discovered Pansy Division, Two Nice Girls, Against Me! (Kind of a grammar question, if a sentence I write ends with a name with a punctuation mark do I add the period? Is it Against Me! Or Against Me!.(?) Genuinely asking if a grammar nerd can help me I would appreciate it.)
Can’t help on the grammar as that has always been my biggest weakness, but I can totally relate to putting on the straight guy act.
I wouldn’t even allow myself to listen to anything I perceived as a little too feminine. A very real “this better not awaken anything in me” type of feeling 😅
Bit of a weird one but because I love the sea, and sailing, the classic folk song “The Mary Ellen Carter” by Stan Rogers really gets me fired up. It’s about a ship that sinks and the efforts of the crew to raise her and sail her again. When I feel at my emotional worst the last verse repeats in my mind:
“And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow, with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go: turn to, and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain and like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again!”
Giving me chills and I haven’t even heard the song, great choice!
After my egg cracked almost 6 months ago now, I went through a lengthy phase where a lot of music would make me burst into tears from sheer relatability. I thought I’d stabilized enough to be over that by now, but just the other day, Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill” got me good. Those themes of stepping out of the hazy drudgery of your comfort zone to embrace a new reality in the face of general confusion and/or disbelief, and having it feel so very right, are absolutely on point for the trans experience.
The track I stumbled upon early on and keep coming back to is Röyksopp & Robyn’s “Every Little Thing”. It really felt/feels like a call from my inner woman to my repressed AMAB shell, and has become the motivational anthem for my transition.
I’ll check them out! You haven’t steered me wrong yet 😉
❤️
If I had to pick one: “IDK If I’m a Boy” - Blue Foster
Cavetown. A lot of his Songs. I loved his Songs even before I realized I was trans. I’m transfem, but the soft ways he incorporates Dysphoria into his lyrics really touched me.
Home - Cavetown Telescope - Cavetown
Laura Les is a big Inspiration as I am a musician and vocalist myself and hope to be able to sing fittingly to my gender after voice therapy.
Looking back, do you feel like his songs resonated with your femininity in some way before you cracked your egg?
Born this way - Kayla King (I know it’s a Gaga song but I like this version)
Maybe mostly because of the idea towards the end of both songs where they basically call out like, “we’re all in this together fighting the system” and specifically include trans people.
Lately “She Likes a Boy” by Nxdia. I also got turned onto a bunch of trans-ish brit-pop from reading “Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian)” (highly recommend).
Ooo trans-ish brit pop sounds like just my jam! If you have any recommendations in that would be fantastic :D
Also, will def check out the book! Really itching to get back into reading lately so this sounds like the perfect opportunity
There are way more mentions in the book, but one prominent song that I think can be read really trans is “Mis-shapes” by Pulp. A bunch of Suede can be read the same way as well!
I really liked Little Blue, it’s framing is super interesting (the main character explores their relationship and love for a fellow trans lady Vivian through a shared interest in a (fictional) show called “Little Blue”). Also highly recommend “A Safe Girl to Love” (or any of Casey Plett’s work), its a bunch of short stories so easy to get into, as well as Nevada!!!
