At least if she’s deported she can’t be buried at Trump’s golf course.

I’ve done some bicycle-only stretches in my life. It’s funny how literally every person I knew assumed I’d gotten my driver’s license suspended for DUIs.

Which highlights the utter insanity of food delivery services: you’re paying $10 to $20 extra to have food that is already shitty and overpriced brought to you in an even worse condition.

Or using stairs. “Ooh. Ah. Ugh. Argh.”

Are you kidding me? That’s a daily double punchable face. The mouth is smiling but the eyes are making sure the battery cables are firmly clamped on your nipples.

You kids and your Gores and Kuciniches. Pepperidge Farm remembers Mondale/Ferraro. Shit, we remember McGovern.

Oh, we’re weary all right.

I mean, imagine if friction worked like this. You’d push a heavy object … and it would move to the left (or maybe the right?) like it was on ice.

FWIW I do have a Physics undergraduate degree. It doesn’t help in this case.

For me, the weirdest thing is that when a charged particle moves through a magnetic field, it experiences a force perpendicular to the direction of motion; this results in the particle tracing out a curved path through the field. Like … what the actual fuck? Why in hell would the universe be this way?

School bus driving— Mixing truck driving with zoo keeping…

That’s a great description - except zoo keepers have bars and glass plates to protect them from the animals.

Next you’ll be telling me there are active oil wells in downtown Los Angeles.

I’m a school bus driver and we’re supposed to not allow foul language. It’s only a problem on the middle school runs, and it’s not really worth the effort on my part to do anything about it. I’m just happy when I can unload all the kids and nothing has been set on fire.

Chicken jockey
Deez nutz

Uh, airline tickets to India?

I spent a summer in south India a few years ago during monsoon season. I was fucking miserable in my jeans and shirts until I switched over to wearing loose, flowing clothes made of bleached kahdi (loose homespun cotton) like the locals. It keeps the sun off you and even when it gets soaked it doesn’t cling to your skin, and then whenever the rain stops it dries completely very quickly. Other westerners I met made fun of me for pretending to go native, but they had no clue how effective it was.

NYC has despised trump for decades, as have most large cities. The GOP’s grip on federal power has never depended on winning the blue cities.

Our only actual “improvements” helped companies hire unskilled labor instead of union tradespeople.

It was tee-ball, I stopped playing after six months.

I played t-ball. I struck out in every at-bat … in t-ball. Fortunately I excelled at defense: coach put me in right field and the other teams were so scared of me they never hit the ball there.

I still can’t fully understand wtf iambic pentameter means

I think it means five syllables … plus some fermented raspberry juice.

I used to work for a small programming/consulting company that had somehow secured their own $12 million annual piece of federal pork. The money was ostensibly for “improving” manufacturing in our state so they couldn’t just pocket that money. Instead, one of our employees administered the fund from a rented closet-sized office elsewhere in our city and doled it out to other companies which in turn hired our company’s consultants at absurd hourly rates (for example I was paid about $40 an hour but was billed out at over $300 an hour) to do shitty work on useless projects.

This was only one of our scams. We also hired retired colonels from the various services and paid them $200K a year to not show up very often - we had an entire wing of usually-empty offices for these people while those of us actually doing some work here and there were packed like dogs into cubicle kennels. These colonels helped us secure lucrative defense contracts.

The funniest part of this job was listening to my bosses raving about how “welfare queens” were destroying the country.