It’s been something i’ve thought about a lot, but at the moment it feels manageable to the point other things get priority.

I don’t care Netflix. Lower the cost and let me share with my retired father again.

You advertised to me i was allowed to share and then took it away, fuck you.

This seems interesting, i’ll read it fully after work if i don’t forget.

Something has me convinced i’m depressed but the only time i ever had the posibility to look for help they sort of just worked me towards the door and cut me off asap.

But they ended up giving me some sort of anti psychotic medication, which definitely allowed me to get back on my feet at the time. (Shit was dark, i fell in a hole with covid, homelessness and unemployment alltogether with my wife and reached a point where i struggled so much i couldn’t even get my ass to a job interview).

But i still don’t know what the cause of my struggles is, only that they’ve been around as long as i can remember. Some form of psychotic whatever wouldn’t surprise me either looking at my mom and what she did. But from what i know (which isn’t a lot obviously) it seems more like depression.

Sure let’s make “why” into a negative.

Might as wel surrender your life and live by a.i.'s statements.

When i was working out people started complaining i was too buff, when i wasn’t working out people complained i was too skinny.

When i’m fighting for my goals people complain i’m trying too hard and when i’m not they are complaining i need to do more.

It’s never right with them…hold on to those compliments, they are few and far between.

I had a convo on instagram with some guy (who turned out to be some kind of coach for life goals or whatever) and he started praising me for recognizing a certain hardship and it turned me off from conversing with him…it made me physcially cringe hearing someone praise something i did.

I’m probably a little messed up lol

I wish they never invented mobile phones, my wage doesn’t justify being bothered outside of work.

Dat doe ik al 37 jaar 🤣

Breh, what kid? I just discovered some people make half my rent and live a more meaningfull life.

Btw we live in small appartment, not some luxurious private island you’d expect for that kind of money.

Fuck this economy xD

I’m often very enamored by camera work, type of shot and things like how they translate certain things to film with limited options.

Especially when it’s Drama related and has to do with heavier emotions or things like disorders and other issues.

But usually i’m just a: “watched movie, had fun” kinda guy.

I watched a stoner movie a while back about some guys that got stranded in their van and hotboxed their asses back or forward(can’t remember) 30 years…as an avid non drug user i had fun but i did think it was a shit movie tho.

Moet je niet doen, mensen hebben geen gezond verstand.

Nee hoor.

Maargoed ik ben 175 dus dat valt nog mee, ik kan niet spreken voor de mannen van 160.

I did say i was going balls to the wall, right?

I was actually studying during cardio but not coding, lol

I went to the gym for a couple years and managed to increase my PR’s consistently and doubled my bodyweight at the same bf %.

Then i decided i was disciplined enough for a homegym as the gym attracted a crowd of generic fools instead of the old club of bodybuilders and powerlifters…i wasn’t disciplined enough.

I really need that: “since i’m already here, might as well go balls to the wall”.

My old gym cost about €13, now generic shit gyms cost more than twice as much. I won’t be going back at those prices because food and rent also tripled, i don’t grow money from a tree or something.

You sleep in the bed you made.

It was reported a decent amoint of time ago and i thought i felt a difference…turned out my isp was sending air bubbles through the internet cable.

After the internet stabilized i noticed exactly zero, just an occasional “restart browser because video’s stopped playing alltogether”

Now you added an insulting term to drive home your point, you seem a little nuts imho.

You went from “colored is an insult” to “call 'm negro”…ffs dude get a grip.

I don’t know if it’s scary, but in the absolute core of my existence i just need my life to stop sooner rather than later.

I’ve always been a bit suicidal leaning but when i was stopped i never had the courage to try again.

Every single day my mind tells me “would’ve been better if you did, it’s all a big shitshow anyway” it never misses a day. I keep telling myself to not listen to it but i do agree.

I had a certain circumstance a couple yeara ago where i was close to dieing and it brought me peace…i felt calm and became accepting of what was to come (despite the intense pain). Wife calles an ambulance which they refused to send as we were too calm for it to be believable, so we took a taxi and that’s when they got to see the pain i was in and realized time was running out quick.

Bla bla bla etc etc, i got sent home a while later and the same pain returned…excruciating bone wrenching all encompassing pain and all my mind had to add was: “if this is real, just go to sleep and you won’t have to wake up again”.

And i did, despite this absolute tormenting pain i fell asleep so peacefully and convinced of it all ending…it was such a relief.

But i woke up after…shit.

That’s the darkest corner of my existence.

I’ll give you my uneducated findings: self driving cars are not ready.

I doubt they will ever be really ready, they’ll eventually be considered “ready enough” no software will always work without flaws. When that software controls a car a minor flaw might mean 20 deaths.

Als ik kaarten koop voor een band en zij ontdekken dat het ze niks opleverd, dan word de gig gecanceled…misschien is dat een idee voor meneer Rod Stewart.

Salarissen voor normale baantjes zijn al 20 jaar rond de 2000 euro.

Een koophuis wat toendertijd voor 100k ging kost nu 3x zoveel en is 20 jaar meer afgetrapt.

Lekker oprotten met je kinderen, het kan er niet af. Voor hun word het nog moeilijker, dat moet je niemand aan willen doen.