5 days on E and I’ve already done unspeakable things. Talking to a goth girl right now and she had me do some spicy things for pictures. It has been proven that I’ll do anything if I’m called a good girl afterwards.

It worked out so well because I was undecided which one I was going to bang first when I had the opportunity lol

Going off anti-psychotics is such a clusterfuck, but there are some definite fun parts of the withdrawal. The one I’m most well aquatinted with being that it makes drugs fucking awesome. Well, I’m not on drugs anymore, and that made withdrawal extra hard. Normally I would just drink my way out of withdrawal, and that’s how I’d handle it, but this time I handled it much more gracefully, albeit still using substances, just substances I personally feel don’t breach sobriety (CBD and caffeine so I’m not burying the lead)

I got two hours of sleep last night because of the withdrawal, so I woke up feeling like shit this morning. I was drowsy and getting brain zaps from being off my meds. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. But I had to go to work today, so I showed up and got the energy drink we have on tap (free caffeine, yay!). This resulted in me being straight TWEAKED but not in a fun way, I could do stuff but I was having to talk myself into it for extended periods of time. I was doing things faster than normal, but my work sucked. Well, after 2 hours of this, one of my coworkers gave me $20 to get something from the smoke shop next door to help (they were suggesting I smoke some weed again). They had seen me off my meds and on caffeine before, but last time this happened I was still smoking, so they knew I wasn’t just on drugs. I must have looked particularly bad, because they asked if I had taken any Adderall before offering me the $20. I took the $20, but as I’ve talked about before, I can’t go back to smoking weed. Out of all the drugs I’ve been addicted to over the years, it was one of the worst for my mental health. Well I go to the smoke shop, and along with all the other shit I would love to take but refuse to (7-OH, regular weed, Phenibut) I spot some CBD gummies. Took a couple and got back to work.

They brought me right out of the withdrawal for a bit, but not entirely. See, anti-psychotics heavily dampen your dopamine receptors, I still have my dopamine receptors with substantially lowered tolerance. The mix of CBD and caffeine straight up felt like Adderall today. I’m probably typing like I’m on Adderall. I don’t even like Adderall that much, but goddamn if it isn’t fun to be off the meds and taking (the softest drugs possible) drugs.

Two of the non-binary QTs I was talking to were already talking to each other, and we found out about this by all joining a discord with each other. Now we’re doing a threesome when I have the money to leave the house lol. I haven’t been laid in two fucking years, so I’m hype.