This is entry level shit, I just shove raw ginger up my ass and now I get stuck in revolving doors.

Lmao you went outside without assmaxing.

Any time. I’ve spent years figuring all of this out so other people don’t have to.

Making it yourself really the only way to get good cold brew that’s affordable. I haven’t found any premade concentrates that are any good and the only RTD canned cold brew that I’ve liked that has any actual distribution is the Press cold brew. But it’s literally my job to have unreasonable standards for stuff like that, and if you drink it with any milk or sugar concentrates can be a lot more palatable. I know some people who like the chameleon concentrate and the stumptown concentrate.

Yeah, that guy.

The youtube nazi that peed in his basement has a white label coffee like this also called “Coffee Brand” that’s pushed by people like grummz. I’m blanking on his name.

Black Rifle is an actual coffee roastery that does normal sourcing through importers with decent equipment. I’m sure it’s changed but before COVID they used a San Franciscan SF-75 as their main roaster, which is an actual quality machine. It’s just a company run by chuds that sources and blends bad coffee and pays like shit.

You can get good Iced coffee that way, but you also have to do something to boost extraction. I usually grind a little bit finer and stir the grounds a bit while they’re brewing. It’s a lot easier with something like a Chemex or a Kalita Wave since they already drain fairly slow.

As for the cold brew, it’s hard to give an exact recommendation without knowing what coffee you’re using, what your water is like, and what equipment you have on hand.

In general what I do on a smaller scale is:

• Using a paper cold brew bag inside of a nylon one (just in case the paper one breaks). You can use a cotton bag but they’re hard to care for.
• Grinding the coffee aiming for like a 800-1000μm mean particle size, which is a medium/medium-coarse grind about what you would do for a large commercial batch brewer. This is significantly finer than almost every cold brew recipe online will tell you.
• Using roughly a 9:1 water to coffee ratio. This is significantly more water than any recipe will tell you.
• Doing a “hot bloom” where you start with about 1/4 of your water hot and you agitate the coffee and the hot water together for about 45 seconds to 1 minute before adding the rest of the water as either ice water or very cold water as quickly as you can.
• Brewing in a fridge for roughly 18-20 hours. You can start tasting at around 16 hours and it’s usually fine to let it go up to 24 hours.
• Remove the bag and jury-rig some way for it to sit above the cold brew and drain for about half an hour.
• Dilute the cold brew to taste, usually by about 1/4.
• Optional step of letting the cold brew sit for an hour or so and then carefully decanting into a separate container, leaving any silt that has settled at the bottom of the original container. This will give you a clearer final drink and a bit longer of a shelf life.

The exact ratio and brew time will depend heavily on your coffee and your water. The biggest problem I see (taste) with the water people use is too high levels of anything acting as a pH buffer in the water, you can’t really do anything about this without building your own water (starting with pure water and adding minerals), this always hides any of the delicate flavors of the coffee and gives the cold brew a very strong prune-y note.

I’m being a bit facetious, but I’m talking about career coffee professionals who would shit on cold brew including the person who had the idea for and helped design the Verve flash brew system that they use instead of cold brew. Also a few cafe owners who do iced coffee because they didn’t like cold brew.

Yeah, unfortunately I worked a couple years at place that did shit like this. The design of the showroom and the production floor even looks almost identical.

Technically cold brew isn’t any less acidic, it just feels way less acidic since more lipids and sugars are extracted.

“Low Acid” is an industry euphemism for bland, but you usually use it when there’s also an off note otherwise it would be “balanced”

Most cold brew is bad because people treat it like just an easy way to make cold coffee. I’ve been able to convert literal professional cold brew haters with actual good cold brew.

This is my industry. What’s happening here is they’re selling through a past crop lot the importer couldn’t move so they offloaded it below cost. This happens a lot with organic centrals since they tend to store very poorly. I guarantee you that this is extremely phenolic. The roastery is roasting on Ambex YM-120, the cheapest and shittiest large commercial batch roaster available.

Also there’s no such thing as GMO coffee (yet)

The craziest political surprise in the last 20 years is still that Corn Pop was real.

Saccharomyces cerevisiae consuming sugars: Amazing, remove any guidance on restriction of that.

Xanthomonas campestris consuming sugars: Woke, possibly also gay.

It’s hard to find competitive eating results for anything other than the Nathan’s hotdog contest from before 2000 but everything I can find points to the pickle thing being true. He verifiably came in 3rd in the 1994 Nathan’s hot dog contest, and emceed the 2002 pickle contest as a “former champion.” The story about the deli guy telling him to compete is almost certainly made up though, since it changes every time he tells it.

The mafia hit also seems real, Gotti was tried 4 times on it and it was pretty much accepted during those that he had ordered the hit but was able to convince enough jurors that he had left the mafia before 1999 making the 2004 trial past the statute of limitation.

Also this lmao:

Imagine getting dunked on by a dumb robot