lilypad [pup/pup's, it/its]

  • 25 Posts
  • 1.97K Comments
Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: October 26th, 2023

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  • work

    A person at work today said people like me and that they say I’m great, and I just about cried. I was able to stop it but god I just… Idk, I’m performing well in my job, I’m not alienating people(!!! Is this true??? Part of me is screaming its all a lie, a neurotypical lie to make me feel safe before the do something to hurt me, but at the same time… Idk. I just, I’m trying to accept it, and not freak out or be paranoid that people dont like me, but its hard. Part of me says they’re just saying that to be nice, that it isnt true… But I’m trying hard to not believe that). I just, I’m terrified that the world is working out in some kind of way. I can’t get past it… I just. My life is supposed to be miserable, I’d resigned myself to basically being in poverty forever, and now there’s a possibility I wont be??? Like… Am I going to be in a position where I can feed myself??? I’m not gonna make tons and tons here, but I’m gonna be not-drowning if this keeps up… Idk. I just. Its freaky and scary and I’m just not sure what to do or how to feel but its wonderful and I’m trying really hard to not let the anxiety and internalized stuff pull me into the darkness.

    HOW CAN PEOPLE AT MY JOB LIKE ME??? I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM THAT THEYRE WRONG FOR LIKING ME AND SHOULD BE HYPERCRITICAL AND STRICT WITH ME BUT IM NOT IM NOT SCREAMING THAT BUT ITS INSIDE ME AND oh… I think I have some self worth issues I haven’t addressed…














  • spoiler

    cant believe the only thing they wanted from me was my dick

    Part of me wants to say “wtf??” but tbh I’m not surprised. I’m sorry they only wanted you for that, its a shitty feeling and a shitty way of engaging with a person. Even amongst ourselves we can’t stop valuing people strictly for their bodies madeline-sadeline

    stupid vent

    like, there’s this weird thing where some trans women (at least in my world) value dick so much, think a strap isnt as good, devalue vagina-havers ability to be toppy, etc., and its just sadness-abysmal. I know it takes a lot to deconstruct masculinity, especially when its enforced on you against your will, but fucking goddamn people need to deconstruct harder. But we’re never taught how to deconstruct our own internal stuff in this culture and its difficult and painful so people dont want to try and dont want to learn (at least, I know I didn’t).