Ah, the cattle ranchers bribed the legislature into letting them have a bit of ye olde protectionism. Great. /s

I’m suggesting they should refuse to use the services of companies that act like this.

…Well, you’ve got my vote.

So, let’s cut to the chase… How did Canonical manage to make it worse this time?

“Listen guys, we need a new conclusion written by someone who isn’t a fancy climateologist.”

“…I don’t think that’s a word, sir.”

“Of course it is. Didn’t you just hear me make it?”

“…Yes Mr. President.”

That would be ideal of course, but this is the US we’re talking about, so it seems unlikely that you’ll have them.

“No problem, I can prove it: If you get between me and my coping mechanism, I’m liable to go to prison for what I’ll do. Does that work for you?”

I think only actions and the consequences thereof (including inciting others to act) can be legitimately prosecutable. I’m not willing to entertain anybody claiming that putting words on a piece of paper can be criminal while Mein Kampf is freely available and frothing nutcases like Curtis Yarvin walks free.

Great! It seems that absolutely everybody is woke now, so I assume we’ve reached consensus on not being assholes to each other. That’s wonderful news!

Well, except for JKR, apparently - but that’s been a lost cause for a while.

Cut the drooling moron some slack: Gobbledygook is all he’s got.

…I may owe a number of Dachshunds an apology.

Well, I’ve never been to a party at a house that had a pool…

Totally nailed it!

“It can now drive its users straight into an active psychosis 35% faster by sounding more persuasive than ever before!”

Look, does it really matter whether they do or not? If a company is morally bankrupt enough to conduct business like this in the first place, it’s a certainty they’ll just find some other novel way to be flaming assholes.

If you don’t want to get cheated, stop doing business with thieves and liars.

Sometimes. Other times you’ve got a sociopath, psychopath or - worst of all - a flaming narcissist on your hands.

…I’m inclined to let this one go.

I assume he’s also about to make me a irresistible offer for a cheap bridge that just so happens to be up for grabs. Totally legit.

On balance, I’d probably go with Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

For all that it is in truth far more terrifying, I freely admit that expressions like “Oh, in the name of False Vacuum Decay” just doesn’t land the same. It’s s shame, really. Modern scientific curses like “may all your Li-Ion batteries grow centimeter long dendrites in seconds” are much more fearsome than they immediately appear.

I mean, “may your tap water turn to dioxygen difluoride while you’re taking a shower” would make even Satan go, “okay, stop, just… Jesus, stop.”