Someone please help me. Im drowning.
I hate my body.
My cousins are here for my brothers birthday tomorrow and they’re all in my sisters room enjoying time together like a normal happy family. And yet again I’m alone feeling like the piece of 💩 of the family.
I wish I actually felt at home with my family like they all do. I just feel miserable all the time and like I should just end it. I’m dependent on my family for a place to stay and I feel like such an outsider. I can’t join in. I’m the joke of the family. Everything is so confusing. And my body feels like shit. I just feel like a ball of poop more than a family member. I wish I could be happy when people are here but it makes me sad because I can’t join in. They think I’m a r*tard.
All I do is doomscroll and bed rot. I don’t even feel alive. I feel like a ghost. I hate the way I look. I just want to feel like I belong in my so called family. Every day is hell.
I wish I felt like I matter.
Because it’s ugly and looks and feels like 💩
brainrot doomscrolling exacerbates this kind of feeling ten fold. This is what those mediums are designed to do, make you feel like shit, so you ideally buy stuff, but low self esteemis the byproduct of forever scrolling.
if you want to feel relief, I suggest you put this habit down for a while (ideally forever, but start with a few days). Let your mind be bored. Lay in bed without using a screen. Be bored and see what you can do screen free.
you cant control your family no, but, you can control how you feel about yourself. Firstly, is the difficult task of not comparing yourself to others. This step will be easier without the whole internet screaming in your face.
sorry its a hard time right now, truly.
Thank you.
I think I was always like this though. Like, how come other people can have technology and be happy n healthy?
Same as anything. How come some people can stop at one serving of alcohol while others cannot? Why does school come easy for some, while others have to study hard just to barely pass?
Were all different. We all have strenghths and weaknesses. It is important that we find what works for us, what defines success for us, because it’s not going to look the same for everyone, no matter what the algorithym (I dont have spell check Im sorry that ones just amiss) tries to tell you
I was a bit of a black sheep too in my family, they absolutely were my worst bullies, im absolutely some brand of neurodivergent. Finding my strenghths and maintaining my self esteem was vital to … longevity in mental wellness. Im speaking from the heart right now, hoping to help you feel better, because I relate and want to help.
it really sounds from what you wrote that brainrot doomscrolling is keeping you unwell, right now, in this moment. Doesnt mean theres not other things to figure out for yourself and health, it just seems like in the immeditate time, putting it down will help right away. It could make you feel worse at first, but then youll get bored and maybe try a craft, or try something you used to do to feel good. How can you reflect on reality of self, if you are keeping your mind so busy with overstimulation?
Give yourself the time to just “be”. You, as a person, deserve to be, if anything at all, all of us humans are infact entitled to being.
💜 I always intend to do basically that but always end up just grabbing my phone. I feel so disconnected to life that I don’t see what the point getting up out of bed and on my feet is. Directionless. Disconnected from my emotions and terrified of being vulnerable to do so. But hating myself and my life for not.
It’s like everyone else (around me) has a natural drive and I don’t know my place.
I will try harder to just be thanks to your encouragement:)
good :) get bored my dear! and good luck with everything <3
Many fake things. And forget.
But as I said you could also be different. Have different chemical balance where you need medication, be different e.g. Neurodivergent and just tick diffetently.
I’m the latter and always like to poke people to find out, there’s a huge variety out there and yet we only ‘see’ the generic majority.
My life has different rules, if I don’t look out I will be (and was!) very unhappy and that also reflected to my body.
Oh bit others also give you well meaning help that might be wrong for you and lead you to feel even worse. So you need to know yourself.