I am fat. I’ve been fit, I’ve been fat, Im fat right now. Been fasting where I can because regular working out just isnt happening yet, and Im trying to grapple with my relationship with food.

I cook. I cook like your great great grandma, but with better spices. I can make nearly anything from scratch. I’ve bread proofing right now, Pan de Cristal, Im working on a sunday sauce, dont @me with carbs, it’s sunday and I will be having this one meal today. There is garlic confit in the oven! I make soups and beans, and chicken. My produce draw is always full with somthing. I dont buy any junk. Fruit, and peanut butter for the family, theres always stuff. I bake snacks. Like, for the love of god, my husband,

“Im running to walmart”

He comes home with a massive amount of freezer foods, his “snack run”. Stouffers enchaladas, taquitos, what he calls a “pillow” of something just labled “taters”, Frozen pizzas, all this. It wont even all fit in the freezer. Im stuffing my frozen veg in the corner to make room. I made fun of the resses “dairy dessert”. My son said, it that ice cream? and I said, “I dont think you can call it that, more like wax chocolate flavor dairy dessert” and he got mad at hearing my snark, he doesnt need it. I just, ugh. I said, well next time Ill argue I should be allowed to keep alcohol on the counter (hes many years sober) if your allowed to bring all this junk food.".

we havnt spoken yet, I stopped cooking and came outside, hes prolly not even thinking about it, but im here. pissed. the easiest way for me to avoid bad food, is to not have it in the house.

I cook, I cook anything you want, I can make it. I make exceptions for everyone, theres stuff we can keep I wont touch anyway. I try to have dicipline, but fuck, it like sticking him at the bar, but for me, is the same with the fridge. But he will never ask me to make him something, I have to force him to take a meal from me always, drives me mad.

I dont want to be fat anymore, why is he not helping or taking it seriously… never mind, fuck these national brands! omg. fuck walmart. :( I cant. im so annoyed. unethical af.

my freezer is rediculous right now and I dont like it.