I am fat. I’ve been fit, I’ve been fat, Im fat right now. Been fasting where I can because regular working out just isnt happening yet, and Im trying to grapple with my relationship with food.
I cook. I cook like your great great grandma, but with better spices. I can make nearly anything from scratch. I’ve bread proofing right now, Pan de Cristal, Im working on a sunday sauce, dont @me with carbs, it’s sunday and I will be having this one meal today. There is garlic confit in the oven! I make soups and beans, and chicken. My produce draw is always full with somthing. I dont buy any junk. Fruit, and peanut butter for the family, theres always stuff. I bake snacks. Like, for the love of god, my husband,
“Im running to walmart”
He comes home with a massive amount of freezer foods, his “snack run”. Stouffers enchaladas, taquitos, what he calls a “pillow” of something just labled “taters”, Frozen pizzas, all this. It wont even all fit in the freezer. Im stuffing my frozen veg in the corner to make room. I made fun of the resses “dairy dessert”. My son said, it that ice cream? and I said, “I dont think you can call it that, more like wax chocolate flavor dairy dessert” and he got mad at hearing my snark, he doesnt need it. I just, ugh. I said, well next time Ill argue I should be allowed to keep alcohol on the counter (hes many years sober) if your allowed to bring all this junk food.".
we havnt spoken yet, I stopped cooking and came outside, hes prolly not even thinking about it, but im here. pissed. the easiest way for me to avoid bad food, is to not have it in the house.
I cook, I cook anything you want, I can make it. I make exceptions for everyone, theres stuff we can keep I wont touch anyway. I try to have dicipline, but fuck, it like sticking him at the bar, but for me, is the same with the fridge. But he will never ask me to make him something, I have to force him to take a meal from me always, drives me mad.
I dont want to be fat anymore, why is he not helping or taking it seriously… never mind, fuck these national brands! omg. fuck walmart. :( I cant. im so annoyed. unethical af.
my freezer is rediculous right now and I dont like it.
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That’s a lot, and it sounds like you could use your own post! Hope the day got better, I wouldnt re-do the toddler years for nothing.
Some folks say, “You couldnt pay me to go back to highschool”. Well, Id re-do, hell, I’d re-do middle school over the toddler years again.
Stay sane as best you can, best of luck for you
I’m not joking, try a GLP-1 agonist medication. It gave me my life back, eating enough to survive, without constantly thinking about food & whole life revolving around food. GLP-1 agonist medications have also shown to make people stop craving alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping addiction, all dopamine-seeking behaviors. Giving people their lives back.
That sounds incredibly frustrating, I am sorry you are dealing with such a situation. I think the alcohol comparison is very apt. If you respect his need to not have it in the house, at the very least he should not try to bring junk food in knowing it’s a temptation for you. I have the same problem with food, and keeping it out of the house is the only way I can avoid eating it.
Yeah, I think that is why my insinct is to make fun of it. Aside from it being the truth, it help me to maintain that distance. I can make cookies if I want a cookie, but I dont always want to make cookies. However, if there are a pack of oreos on the counter, I may mess up. Im sorry you also struggle with this, but Im glad you understand.
I forgot my husband has this week off. It’s always easier to have control when other folks are around, so Ive made a goal with myself to not touch it. He went for the Ice cream last night, I didnt feel nothing for it, so that was good. But he did make light of my earlier joke, himself calling it wax cocolate flavor dairy dessert. He def pointed out “hey it does qualify as light ice cream, not dairy dessert”. lol I ignored this comment, but man.
I think the disregulation I felt came from two things, Im ND and he disrupted my rhythm in the moment, and second was fear. Fear of being fat and aging (ahhhhh), and also, I immediately thought, "is this coming from my grocery budget? As I do all the grocery shopping/cooking/planning in a typical week. Once reconized, I was able to cope.
To add vent though, He eats like this, and still stays rail thin. Boils my muffin lmao. I look at bad food, and gain 5pounds lol.
😔
Slightly unrelated but get a chest freezer, they’re so helpful and low on electricity use
My little 850sqFt home really doesn’t have room for one, and it’s beyond the point. Nice idea though. I vented it out, got over it.
If I make fun of these food products, it helps me keep discipline. My goal is not to touch any of it now, spite in my heart, got this!
