The truth is, he wasn’t the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship.
He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It’s been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn’t enough when I was genuinely loyal to him
Good for you. You did the right thing for yourself. But you’re asking the wrong question; this wasn’t a you thing, this was a him thing. By what you’ve said, he’s a selfish and emotionally immature person. What good was he actually for you?
An important lesson to learn in life in general is that you cannot change another person. Only a person can choose to change for themselves, not for anyone else. The whole thing about leading a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. His selfishness has nothing to do with you, except that you suffered for it. He was selfish before you, and he’ll continue to be selfish after you. Maybe one day he’ll choose to change, but that will have to come from inside him, not for anyone else. This is true for all the kinds of ways people need “fixing” (in quotes), big and small ways, from drug addictions to simple things like pet-peeve type habits.
Look up the terms “love bombing” and DARVO. I think you will find descriptions of your ex, and I hope your eyes will be opened to the fact that he was emotionally abusive, and that you were the victim of his abuse. I hope this can set you in the right direction to put him behind you.
Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I’m honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.
I’m sorry to tell you this, but he did not love you. You don’t threaten to break up with someone you love, that is an abuse tactic, and you just do not abuse people you love. That is not your fault. That is a reflection of who he is, not who you are. You are only responsible for your own actions, not his.
Really, I mean it, read up on love bombing, DARVO, and if you can get a copy, a book called _Why does he do that? _ I think these will help you understand and process what you’ve experienced.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I’ll definitely read about these terms and try to understand the patterns better. I just want to stop blaming myself for everything and heal…
The truth is, he wasn’t the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship. He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It’s been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn’t enough when I was genuinely loyal to him
Good for you. You did the right thing for yourself. But you’re asking the wrong question; this wasn’t a you thing, this was a him thing. By what you’ve said, he’s a selfish and emotionally immature person. What good was he actually for you?
An important lesson to learn in life in general is that you cannot change another person. Only a person can choose to change for themselves, not for anyone else. The whole thing about leading a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. His selfishness has nothing to do with you, except that you suffered for it. He was selfish before you, and he’ll continue to be selfish after you. Maybe one day he’ll choose to change, but that will have to come from inside him, not for anyone else. This is true for all the kinds of ways people need “fixing” (in quotes), big and small ways, from drug addictions to simple things like pet-peeve type habits.
Look up the terms “love bombing” and DARVO. I think you will find descriptions of your ex, and I hope your eyes will be opened to the fact that he was emotionally abusive, and that you were the victim of his abuse. I hope this can set you in the right direction to put him behind you.
Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I’m honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.
I’m sorry to tell you this, but he did not love you. You don’t threaten to break up with someone you love, that is an abuse tactic, and you just do not abuse people you love. That is not your fault. That is a reflection of who he is, not who you are. You are only responsible for your own actions, not his.
Really, I mean it, read up on love bombing, DARVO, and if you can get a copy, a book called _Why does he do that? _ I think these will help you understand and process what you’ve experienced.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I’ll definitely read about these terms and try to understand the patterns better. I just want to stop blaming myself for everything and heal…