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Sure, whats your plans for this weekend? Got any hobbies to occupy your time?
EDIT: just read your other post that has detail on the break up. I am sorry that you are hurt. It sounds like your ex was a jerk and you are better off without them. I know that doesn’t help you stop hurting now.
I don’t really have any plans right now, to be honest. He said I had trust issues and was emotionally dependent on him, but he threatened to break up with me four times. Every time he became distant, I got scared that he would leave again, so I kept questioning his commitment. I know I became anxious and needed reassurance, but I feel like those repeated threats contributed to that fear, too.
Things got worse when I came across his ChatGPT history and found him asking how to impress girls. I also found out he had said he urgently needed … because his friends regularly brought girls over to have fun in the next room. It completely shattered my trust. I was genuinely committed to him, while I was discovering things that made me question whether we wanted the same kind of relationship. Now he blames my trust issues and emotional dependence, and I’m struggling to make sense of everything.
eww, he uses ai? you can do so much better.
Yes He even said things like my girlfriend is innocent and cute, but lately I haven’t been feeling that much love for her. I feel more like her counsellor whenever she’s sad because she’s an emotional person. And meanwhile, he was talking about how he bought premium on a dating app and how to talk to other girls.
sounds like you’re already better off.
He can try to shift the blame how ever he wants, the bottom line is he did not want to be in this relationship, that is not your fault. And you also should not think that changing yourself some how could have saved this relationship in anyway.
I know it feels hollow now but its better that you know his true feelings, because I promise you feeling lonely while you are in a relationship is mountains more painful that feeling lonely while you are single. When you feel lonely in a relationship is tinged with hopelessness and worthlessness because you are contently questioning why the person you love doesn’t love you, while you are making moves to try to fix it, never knowing they already forgot about you.
Really, asking how to impress girls while you have a girlfriend is already super cringey and he asked Chatgpt? LOL, I hope you can laugh about this later. I’ll give you some great but slightly sexist advise that was given to me by a lady older than my grandmother at the time. “Never run after a man or a bus, there will be another along in 15 mins.”
Yrs u r right…Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me and listen to my story
Ohk nice…Honestly, I don’t really have any plans. I’ve just been crying almost every day and missing my ex, who emotionally cheated on me. I’m still struggling to cope with everything.
I just read your other post about his cheating, I am sorry you are going thru this. It honestly sounds like he was already pretty bad for your mental health, moving between wanting to break up and also talk about marriage and family. Unfortunately you aren’t ever going to get the answer to why he was swinging between these things while also cheating on you. Even if you did sit down and ask him and force him to answer, its not going to be the thing that makes everything ok, only time can do that.
Harsh, I’ve been there and it sucks
How r u feeling right now
I’m good, a little tired, a little understimulated at work
Nice…btw How did you cope with it? I cry whenever I imagine him being with another woman. How do I stop these thoughts from hurting me so much?
Platitudes like “it gets better with time” are both true, but also not very helpful in the moment. The truth is, like any injury, this kind of pain does take time to heal, and it sucks in the meantime. I’m sorry. Till then, you have to keep yourself and your life moving on, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t let yourself get stuck where you are. You need to give yourself the opportunity to reorient yourself and your life to this change.
For me, the deepest heartbreak I experienced was not a breakup, but the death of a very dear friend. I watched a *lot *of Doctor Who (David Tennant, the first? time). I stopped watching Doctor Who years ago, but I’ll always appreciate the show and David Tennant for bringing me tiny bits of fun in those sad days. It’s been more than a decade; I still miss that friend and feel sad when I think about him. But it’s not a sharp, immediate pain, it’s more like wistfulness. And I can think about and appreciate the good times we enjoyed together.
As for an actual breakup after a not-great relationship (which yours sounds like, from your description in another thread), what I can say is that it is way better to be single than to be with someone who doesn’t love you. Nor does it seem he even liked you even as a friend. Would you ever treat a friend, even an acquaintance, the way he treated you? Honestly, it sounds like he finally did the right thing by ending it rather than continuing to drag it out. I hope you will understand this with clarity later. Don’t settle for that kind of nonsense in the future. Look for someone who is of good character all the time because that’s just who they are, not someone who turns it on and off as he pleases.
The truth is, he wasn’t the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship. He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It’s been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn’t enough when I was genuinely loyal to him
Good for you. You did the right thing for yourself. But you’re asking the wrong question; this wasn’t a you thing, this was a him thing. By what you’ve said, he’s a selfish and emotionally immature person. What good was he actually for you?
An important lesson to learn in life in general is that you cannot change another person. Only a person can choose to change for themselves, not for anyone else. The whole thing about leading a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. His selfishness has nothing to do with you, except that you suffered for it. He was selfish before you, and he’ll continue to be selfish after you. Maybe one day he’ll choose to change, but that will have to come from inside him, not for anyone else. This is true for all the kinds of ways people need “fixing” (in quotes), big and small ways, from drug addictions to simple things like pet-peeve type habits.
Look up the terms “love bombing” and DARVO. I think you will find descriptions of your ex, and I hope your eyes will be opened to the fact that he was emotionally abusive, and that you were the victim of his abuse. I hope this can set you in the right direction to put him behind you.
Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I’m honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.
I was able to focus on finding myself, I took all the time and energy I would have invested into the relationship and put towards figuring out what I liked doing and wanted to spend more time on
