recently two friends of mine brought up autism in a conversation. one of them knows about my diagnosis and the other one is a nurse and regularly works with autistic children.
They brought up lots of things I disagree with and that kind of hurt me… They said things like “there are severely autistic people and there are others that are pretty chill” “being autistic is fashionable these days” “people use their autism as an excuse for bad behavior” “autistic people should keep their diagnosis for themselves because society is not really ready for that yet”
I tried to argue against it, but I wasn’t really good at that. I also didn’t feel comfortable to say I am autistic. I felt really devastated when I got back home. I texted one of my friends (the one who knows I am autistic) and said the whole conversation made me feel really bad.
Since she is gay I said that I am feeling the same way you would feel if two of your friends talked about homosexuality the way they talked about autism (“being gay is fashion these days” “people use their homosexuality as an excuse for bad behavior”, “gay people should stay in the closet because society is not ready for them”…) She got really angry at me, literally told me to go fuck myself and that I am victimizing myself…
I feel so hurt by this. invalidated. I don’t know… I just wanted to share :I
Sounds like you need new friends.
When you tried to express your feelings, your friend made it about themselves. You are the one who was wronged, you are allowed to be upset! How could she even talk about autism this way, especially knowing you are one, and knowing you are listening to everything being said. Anyone would be upset hearing those things, even more so if it’s from someone they trust enough to share something like that with! You are valid!
Agree. This is shitty friends being shitty. Whether you forgive them or not, don’t feel bad for making them upset. It was important and they clearly needed and deserved it.
as someone who is queer i actually think the comparison is pretty apt, sounds like she doesn’t understand your experiences. i’m sorry you had to go through this
that’s not a friend, that’s an acquaintance that thinks you’re less than human. as A Gay™, that was an apt comparison, especially considering an autism diagnosis has been specifically used as another way to oppress and infantilize trans and gay people (especially AFAB people). absolute scumbag behavior. i’m really sorry you had to go through that. :(
When I hear about the experiences of trans people from when they were growing up, going through school, how they felt different, I relate so much as an autistic person.
That is the perfect response. You didn’t call her out for being gay. You tried to convey your experience in a way you would expect her to be able to relate to directly. Sadly, that didn’t seem to be the way she understood it.
Communication is hard.
