• Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      10 days ago

      You can do all things through christ.

      Sign up today, christ subscription service. Basic services start at just 10% your household income. With the power of Jesus^tm right at your finger tips you will be able to clasp your hands and pray for:

      That sweet new jacuzzi

      The love and admiration of NFL hero Patrick Mahomes

      A larger and wider penis/vigina

      A billion doll hairs

      Don’t let modernity ruin your daily life with doubt and uncertainty. Let Jesus^tm give you hope that will fuel your mindless toil while you work until the day you die.