This will be my first Christmas without her. I’ve already had our first anniversary (23rd) and her first birthday (44th), and now Christmas, New Year (which we always spent together) and my birthday.
The problem with this diagram – with this theory – is that it assumes the outer circle can grow. That it is not moored, permanently, to the inner circle.
The first year is the hardest. Every event and anniversary that passes is momentous. It took me three years before I stopped feeling like grief was my identity. It’s coming up on 8 now, and I still think of him every day, but without that crushing weight. Please feel welcome to message me if you want advice or if you just want to talk about her. People in your life will often change the subject or get sad, because they think talking about her will make it worse, but I always felt better talking about him.