• wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    36·
    2 days ago

    Holy shit that is hilarious.

    Not really a fan of RationalWiki, but they seem to have a decent writeup and their examples are killing me:

    KJV Luke 11:53-4

    And as he [Jesus] said these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began to urge him vehemently, and to provoke him to speak of many things Laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him.

    “Conservative Bible” Luke 11:53-4

    As Jesus told them off, the scribes and Pharisees furiously interrogated Him about everything, plotting and seeking to quote Him for a politically incorrect remark to use against Him.

    KJV Luke 12:43-4

    Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. Of a truth I say unto you, that he will make him ruler over all that he hath.

    Conservative Bible

    Blessed is that manager, whose employer finds working so diligently. Truly I tell you, he will promote that manager to run all of his affairs.

    KJV 1 Corinthians 1:17

    For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect.

    Conservative Bible

    In any case, Christ didn’t send me to baptize. He sent me to preach the gospel, but not with the kind of liberal claptrap that would make Christ’s sacrifice ineffectual.

    I’m fucking rolling.